There’s no one-size-fits-all formula to sexting. But it does involve one cardinal rule: consent. Even if you’re in a flirty mood, or as Gen Z calls it — thirsty — your sexting buddy may not be (at that moment).
Nobody appreciates an unsolicited d**k pic, so before sending that racy text or photo, make sure to ask the recipient if they’re up for it.
Once you get the green signal, don’t just mindlessly send the photo and expect things to kick into high gear. As pleasure coach Tyomi Morgan tells The Cut: “Sexting is all about the build-up.” Her advice? Begin with an opening line that indicates you’re ready to play, but without revealing all (literally) at the get-go.
Sexting reached an all-time high in 2020 when the COVID-19 pandemic locked down the world. A 2020 article by Mint Lounge quotes a study, published in PLOS ONE, which explored how women in 191 countries were using mobile apps for sex-related purposes.
Of the 23,093 Indian women participants, 62 per cent said they engage in sexting, with over 60 per cent sending only text-based sext messages, and 46 per cent, with accompanying images.
Disclaimer: Along with consent, sexting involves trust. If someone is sending you something that intimate, don’t go taking screenshots to share with your friends. It’s private correspondence and for your eyes only.
Sexting 101: 5 tips to help you sext better (with consent and without getting uncomfortable)
1. Consent is everything
It seems prudent to stress this point again, but you need to glean the other person’s consent before sending that risqué message. Even if you’re in a relationship, give your partner a heads up that you feel like talking dirty, and ask them if they’re up for some NSFW sexting.
2. Don’t go from zero to a hundred
Just like sex isn’t half as fun without foreplay, sexting can become tedious or overwhelming if you just jump the gun with a picture of your genitalia.
As sexologist Emily Morse tells The Cut: “I’m always telling people when it comes to sex, to go five times slower than you think — the same goes for sexting. You don’t want to jump straight into sex without a warm-up, so treat your sexts the same way.”
You can build on a previous sexy encounter you had with the person you’re sexting and say something like: “I can’t stop thinking about the other night” and then proceed from there.
Sexting with someone you’ve already been intimate with is relatively more comfortable; you can refer to the best parts of a liaison that’s already taken place, so you both know what you’re in for.
3. Make use of the emojis
Play with the emojis that Android and iOS have so thoughtfully gifted you with. By now, everyone knows what the eggplant/banana/peach/ cat/taco (!) emojis stand for.
Sometimes, using an emoji to state your desire, is easier than expressing them through words. The same holds true for GIFs. We’re living in the golden age of technology, so use it to the maximum.
4. Explore your fantasies
As Megan Stubbs, a sexologist and sex and relationships coach tells Glamour Magazine: “The best part about sexting is that you can edit what you say, and you get to be playful and creative.” So play out your deepest sexual fantasies for your sexting buddy, but know your boundaries.
More Princess Leia in a gold bikini and less Christian Grey with his Red Room, unless of course, your beau is into it. Also, while it’s easy to get caught up in the moment, make sure you’re comfortable with whatever you wish to send.
As sex educator Kait Scalisi tells The Cut: “Only do what you’re comfortable with. Sexting can be as innocent as a ‘Can’t wait to love on you tonight’ or as risqué as a nude selfie. Start with something that makes you just a little uncomfortable — but doesn’t make you want to run and hide.”
5. Ask the right questions
Like any sort of conversation, sexting is a two-way street. You can’t keep unloading your sexual fantasies on someone, without giving them the room to express their own.
Ask them questions — do they have any specific kinks, what turns them on best — and incorporate that into your exchange. Just like with sex, a successful sexting session is one where both participants get a safe space to explore their most untethered, erotic desires.
[ Via GQ India]
