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How to choose the best dildo for you, according to a sexual wellness expert

Image: @sarashakeel/Instagram
Image: @sarashakeel/Instagram

Choosing the best dildo for you can be an overwhelming task. Embarrassing, even. Not that it should be. Using sex toys in general is a sure-fire way to elevate your self-care routine, taking partnered sex and masturbation to new heights and bolstering the benefits of the orgasm (think: pain relief, better sleep, better cognitive function… this list goes on). It should be empowering, fun and wellness-boosting.

But think of “dildos" are you'll likely conjure up images of large, veiny, silicone penises – not actually all that enticing. Luckily, there's actually a whole lot more to it, and today, some of the best dildos aren't penis-shaped at all. Rather: smooth, sleek and ergonomically designed like the g-spot vibrators, rabbit vibrators and bullet vibrators you're already using. A stylish addition to your bedside table. Some come curved, some vibrate and others can be strapped on (head this way for more top-rated lesbian sex toys).

So, if you're new to the whole dildo thing but you're keen to test the waters, we caught up with Cameron Long-tel, Sex-Educator and Sexpert from LELO, to find out everything you need to consider before you start shopping. Oh, and keep scrolling for our pick of the best dildos to add to your cart today.

First up: what does a dildo actually do?

In short, a dildo is an object shaped like a penis, used for sexual stimulation. Dildos are sex toys for women designed for insertion, and are best for those who enjoy penetration. Whether you insert them vaginally or anally, they simulate penetrative sex.

What is the difference between a dildo and a vibrator?

Experimenting with the best sex toys (safely, obvs) is almost always encouraged. But sex toys aren't always cheap, so if you want to avoid being left disappointed, it's best to know the purpose each sex toy is meant to serve.

“The difference between a vibrator and a dildo is that generally, a dildo does not vibrate unless it comes with an extension, like a bullet vibrator for example,” Cameron said. Dildos are for those who enjoy penetration, because they will they serve up clitoral stimulation. They are designed for insertion.

Vibrators, on the other hand, are designed to, well… vibrate. And, largely, for external use. So, although there is some overlap (some vibrators like g-spot vibrators can be inserted), dildos are the toy for you if penetration is your main aim.

Can dildos make you orgasm?

It depends how you orgasm and how you use your dildo. If you struggle to orgasm through penetration alone (more than 75% of vulva owners do - find out more in the LookFantastic sexual wellness report) and need clitoral stimulation to get you going, a dildo might not help. Dildos don't tend to provide any more clit stimulation than a penis would. In that case, you might consider a clit vibrator instead.

If you can orgasm from penetration alone, then yes, you might find a dildo will make you orgasm.

The caveat to the above? Even if you fall into the former camp, vulva-owners might be able to use a dildo in a way that “works”. You could use your dildo while also rubbing your clit or simultaneously using a vibrator, or, if you have a vibrating dildo, you could grind on it at an angle where you hit your G-spot and clitoris at the same time. The sky is the limit.

“It’s important to realise that there is a great misconception and expectation for women to easily climax from penetrative sex or dildos,” Cameron added. “This is not the case, it’s different for everyone, and using a dildo as an explorative tool on your erogenous zones is a great way to find out what feels good, and if you can orgasm from penetration. Don’t put pressure on yourself, just focus on relaxing and exploring yourself."

What size dildo should I choose?

“It’s so important to consider size, because this can determine the type of pleasure you are after, and if the dildo is right for you,” Cameron said.

“The thing that you mainly need to remember when you buy a dildo is to know that it is going to be inside you. So, when considering size, think about how tight you are, what size you’ve enjoyed when it comes to sexual partners and if you want a straight or curved shape. Usually, the curved shaped dildos are used to hit the G-spot. If you’re struggling to visualise the size you’re after, look at household items around you and get the tape measure out."

Are there different materials to choose from? If so, what are they and which material is safest?

“From latex, silicone and jelly rubber to plastic and even metal, there’s a range of different materials to choose from when it comes to dildos. But it’s most important to look into whether a dildo, or other sex toys, are porous or non-porous," Cameron explained.

“Sex toys that are porous have tiny spaces within the material that can harbour bacteria and provide a friendly environment for unhealthy bacteria. So, it is always best to go for non-porous materials such as plastic and silicone sex toys. They’re easy to clean, safe and great for pleasure.”

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