Forget traditional guest-list dilemmas, there’s a whole new set of social trends from the US heading this way. Which ones will you say ‘yes’ to?
The ‘you’re not invited’ card
So, you’re having a small wedding and need to let would-be guests know they haven’t made the cut? The non-invite is on the up, with couples asking friends and family not to attend. This trend boomed in the US last year and has divided opinion among wedding planners. Some say brides-to-be are simply letting down lightly those who may have expected an invite; others argue it’s rude and won’t win over non-invitees.
Leading US wedding planners say the majority of the time it’s because of a lack of space – and the couple feels super guilty. Whatever the reasons, the response is the same: resentment, disappointment and even anger. David Beahm, one of the US’ top events planners, adds: “Explaining to someone why they aren’t invited only creates complications. It’s your wedding – you decide the guest list as you’re paying for it – and that’s all anyone needs to know.”
“Some people are too polite for this trend to catch on, but I can appreciate its purpose,” says Kerry Bracken, a wedding planner. “I’ve had RSVPs from people who were never on the guest list, because they assumed they were invited!” Awkward. Our advice? If you want to let people know why they’re not invited, speak to them individually. A card in the post is only going to be seen as a second slap in the face.
The ‘fund-me’ wedding
Forget the ‘fund-me’ honeymoon gift list (which can still elicit disapproving murmurs from guests). Couples are now asking friends and family to pay for the wedding itself. Planner Danielle Andrews Sunkel says that asking invitees to make a cash contribution is now so commonplace, that many RSVPs include bank details. “I had one client who was aghast when she received an invite stating, ‘Please send R350 per person attending.’ Some couples are even charging much higher than that – and still expect a gift.” One reader, Sophie Hawkins, disapproves: “My husband and I had to pay for our meal online after we accepted the invite. We understood the couple couldn’t afford an expensive wedding, but it did take away from the day’s enjoyment.”
‘I do…’ love social media
Great wedding, but did it trend on Twitter? Social media is increasingly being used to announce, plan and even broadcast the big day to family, friends and, well, followers. If you’re a fan of all things virtual, then why not take it one step further and use a projector or TV as a social media station at the venue itself? Pull up the hashtag feed on Twitter or use a site like eventstagr.am, which displays photos in real time as they’re posted on Instagram. Wedding planner Kiriana Lewis has attended a ‘hashtagged’ wedding: “I thought it was brilliant. The tweets began with the bachelorette party and took us all the way through the wedding prep and on to the big day. Excited guests could tag their journeys on their way to the ceremony and the reception, adding to the couple’s collection of wedding photos. It gave the day itself a really fun edge and cultivated a strong sense of camaraderie in the build-up to the actual wedding day.”
The fashion police
The dress code has moved on: now you can oversee your guests’ sartorial choices via dressspy.com. Simply send out the login details and invitees can post photos of what they plan to wear. There are two levels of privacy: the first allows only the couple to view what has been added, while the seconds opens it up to the entire wedding party. Not only does this avoid two people arriving in the same frock, it also gives you the chance to veto anything that isn’t in keeping with your palette (although don’t ask us how you broach that subject…). Some guests are even logging their outfits with the wedding planners, says Kerry Bracken: “For a recent wedding, I had to subtly advise a guest that a floor-length white gown might not be quite right.” There are even planners now offering guest-styling packages, too.
The ’round robin’ thank you
In a world of Facebook and group emails, will your guests really expect to receive thank-you notes, courtesy of good old snail mail? Kiriana Lewis has noticed a marked increase in electronic communication: “In one instance, the couple were heading straight off for three months of travelling, so they sent a group email with an update on their trip, with a thank you for any gifts.” However, one guest feels differently: “I’d put a lot of time, thought and money into choosing a present for my cousin, and when I received an email thank you – with 109 other recipients also cc’d in – I wished that I hadn’t bothered.”
Anna Post, co-author of Emily Post’s Complete Book of Wedding Etiquette(Jonathan Ball, R145 as an eBook), recommends sending a handwritten note within three months so that the giver knows their gift was received (and, much more importantly, appreciated). Any thank-you note that isn’t personal misses the point – and implies you care more about your own convenience than the effort and expense made on your behalf. An email just doesn’t cut it.
What’s the craziest wedding-etiquette issue you’ve experience? Tweet it to @GLAMOUR_sa with #GLAMWedding to share!
More wedding-etiquette questions? Experts answer ’em, here! And if you’re looking for wedding planning advice check out these tips from an A-list party planner.
