“Nobody likes a quitter,” my grandpa told me when I was seven years old. I’d been learning to paddle board on holiday and, after three separate occasions where I felt as though I was drowning, and a particularly board-to-nose face plant, I’d stomped back up the beach to tell my family that I was done with the water sport for good.
I still remember my grandpa’s look of disappointment as he listened to his beloved granddaughter do the worst thing he could think of: quit.
At the time I felt immense shame, as though I’d somehow let him and myself down, but if I look back on it now I am aware of an immense sense of pride.
I wasn’t a ‘quitter’, I was simply choosing not to waste my time on something that would never serve me and that I wasn’t enjoying. In fact, I was actually committing to something much more important: myself.
With no paddle boarding lessons to attend, I spent the rest of the holiday devouring books on the beach, and, reader, guess what? I became a writer.
When a relationship doesn’t feel right anymore, when we are not happy and have tried to fix problems but can’t, those around us encourage us to leave, right? So why don’t they say the same about other things that are no longer serving us?
We're taught the importance of following through, of sticking it out and making it to the end, but I'd like to put the opposite argument forward: that learning how to be a good quitter will help you become more successful, happier and more at peace with your life.
And when I say quitting, I mean anything – quitting university, quitting reading a book, quitting a job, a friendship, a project, even a TV series (though don’t you dare quit You season three) – we need to quit more, and here’s why.
I quit my first ‘real job’ after university when I was 21. I was burnt out, had been having panic attacks and generally hated what I was doing day-to-day.
I didn’t have anything else lined up and I’d hardly saved a penny due to working right beside a Topshop (R.I.P). It looked like a stupid, reckless thing to do and left me trailing behind my friends who were ‘sticking with’ their jobs.
But it was actually the best career decision I have ever made; it changed the course of my life and led me one step closer to my dream job of becoming a journalist.
Sure, the first few weeks of freefall were scary – and I don’t recommend just leaving a job without a backup if you’ve got a child to support or a great debt to pay off – but it forced me to set up a routine for myself.
With no finances to fall back on, it pushed me to be brave: I had to DM that editor I’d always admired and attend networking events full of intimidating people.
And though leaving my job wasn’t solely responsible for what happened next, quitting was a terrifying – and necessary – starting point. It kickstarted a sense of self-belief and it forced me to think creatively about how I wanted to take my next step. It also gave me the time and freedom to act upon it.
In fact, when I look back, it is the idea of staying in a job that was slowly grinding me down that feels like the terrifying choice, not the act of quitting.
There are some examples of quitting that aren’t as scary, of course. Like putting down a book you aren’t enjoying or leaving a netball team if the commitment has started to fill you with dread.
In fact, quitting the small things offers an immediate sense of relief and are often an easier place to start if the bigger things feel too intimidating.
For example, last year I decided to do a free nutritionist course online – not to become a nutritionist but because I thought it might be interesting to learn more about the topic while we sat around in lockdown.
But it just wasn’t for me, and after struggling through a few of the video lectures, I forced myself to close the Chrome window and decided never to return.
I felt an immediate hit of joy. It was liberating to take charge of how I spent my day and a relief-filled reminder that a lot of the mental prisons we languish in are of our own making.
Just like my grandpa, for most of us, the important role quitting can play in success runs counter to the deeply-held beliefs of society. In previous generations, the common narrative was that success (and financial stability) came from sticking with your job, or career path, no matter what.
But we are no longer offered financial or job security by the companies we work for, the idea that if we stick around we will reap the benefits is an outdated model, and out of its ashes have risen a new generation who are prepared to take risks and demand more for themselves.
“We often don't quit things until we really hate them – until it gets really awful – because it takes this level of discomfort to force us to make a change. There are two main factors for change: pain and pleasure.
Unfortunately the pain usually has to be really severe for us to take action, but the magic comes when we take conscious action to move away from this pain,” Donna Elliott, a mindset coach and co-founder of 'Now is Your Time', a movement helping to inspire people to live authentically.
“Taking control and quitting something that's not serving you also sends a huge message out via the Law of Attraction that you are ready for the thing you are wanting to move towards. It's an empowered position. When I left a corporate job I didn't think of this as quitting but as a positive action to move towards what I wanted.”
And even if you don’t believe in the Law of Attraction, it’s an undisputed fact that everyone – even Beyoncé – only has 24-hours in a day and the less we quit things that don’t serve us, the less time we have to fill with things that actually do.
This is not to say that you should pack something in the second you feel unhappy, there is also merit in measured and thoughtful persistence, but it’s worth really thinking about why you’re sticking with it.
Often, if we’re having doubts about something – whether it be a book or a friendship – but are finding the idea of quitting hard, it reflects our human tendency to avoid ‘loss’.
We view what we have already invested, whether time, money or something else, as lost if we abandon the thing in question. And our fear of the unknown only makes it all feel even harder; we know the path we’re on and so ‘better the devil you know’.
“Quitting feels hard because our subconscious mind is trained to keep us safe - and often better the devil you know crops up here as we feel safer with something familiar whether or not this makes us happy,” Donna says.
But we need to shake this off, because what we’re not taking into account is what we stand to lose if we don’t quit.
Variety is not only the spice of life but the making of it, and so while quitting something might feel like a waste, it actually brings us closer to the things that will fulfil us.
So, let’s all quit a little bit more – except for those just beginning Schitt’s Creek, you do actually need to stick with that, trust me.
This story originally appeared on Glamour UK
