More young women than ever—45 percent—are trying anal, according to the latest research from the Kinsey Institute. If you're considering having anal sex for the first time, you're probably wondering how to prepare, relax, and enjoy the intimate moment with your partner.
We consulted with two experts: Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist, and Tristan Taormino, author of The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. Read on to find out how to take the stress out of first-time anal sex and make it a night you'll never forget (in a good way!).
1. Relax Your Mind and Body
If this is your first time trying anal sex, spend a few minutes relaxing your mind and your entire body. You can also relax your anal muscles. To see what that feels like you can tighten them by squeezing your butt muscles and holding for a few minutes, and then releasing.
"If you're hesitant, nervous, or not into it, no one is going to get off, and what's the point of that?" says Taormino. Try deep-breathing exercises, take or yoga class or a glass of wine to relax.
2. Lather Up
"Many women's fear of first-time anal sex stems from a fear of what goes on back there (naturally) and how that's going to play into the action. To cleanse yourself (literally) of such mental roadblocks, take a nice, steamy shower before your hot backdoor action," says Needle.
3. Engage in Plenty of Foreplay
One of the best ways to ease into anal sex is to be plenty aroused beforehand. Being one or two orgasms deep helps you relax and loosen up, which in turn helps your rear end to loosen up, thus lessening the likelihood of a difficult entry. Encourage your partner to double up on the regular dose of foreplay.
"The number-one mistake people make is rushing," says Taormino. Start with foreplay, vaginal sex, anything that turns you on. "The more aroused you are, the more relaxed your sphincter muscle will be, and that's going to make for a hotter and easier experience," she says.
Anal play is your friend! There are tons of nerve endings surrounding your anus, so take advantage of this little-explored pleasure center by asking your man to use his mouth and fingers. (If you've had trouble reaching orgasms in the past, you might find that it's just what you've needed to send you over the top.)
4. Use a Lot of Lubrication
Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce its own lubricant. The more lube you use, the more comfortable and enjoyable anal sex can be, explains Needle. Don't forget to make sure you are using a condom-safe, water or silicone-based lubricant (oil-based lubricants aren't compatible with condoms). Don't be afraid to reapply frequently. More lube equals better anal sex always.
5. Take It Slow
Many guys think the best way to do it is to just dive in. However, no matter how much lube you use, your backdoor is not a water slide. First-time anal sex should be approached like getting into a really hot bath tub. First you test the waters during foreplay, allowing your partner to gently rub around the opening with his finger, then allow him to experiment by actually inserting one finger (don't forget the lube!). Then, and only then, should his penis come into play. Start with just the tip, and work your way up the shaft.
Be sure to let your partner know that the key here is to be gentle. In fact, he should start by inserting his penis little by little so that you get used to the feeling and maintain some control. (Note: the anus is S-shaped and won't respond well to being aggressively poked.)
6. Assume the Right Position
Three optimal positions for first-time anal sex include:
Girl-on-top is one of the best position for first-time anal because it allows you to control speed and depth of penetration. This is extremely important, especially for backdoor newbies.
Doggy-style allows your man easy entry but puts him in full control, which might not be the best for your first time.
Spooning is another great pick for backdoor beginners. This gives you shared control of your movements and adds an extra touch of intimacy, which may help you relax as well.
If you feel pain, have him ease up, stop, or switch positions. (Missionary is often the most comfortable for newbies, but doggy-style can work too, if he enters from slightly above you.) Have him stimulate your clitoris with his fingers to increase your pleasure level.
7. Communicate Openly
"Talk about it first. As with all type of sexual activity, anal sex is something that should be discussed beforehand. Communicate your fears and expectations with your partner, and make sure that you are both on the same page about things like speed, depth, etc. Trust me, this is one area in which you do NOT want any surprises," says Rachel Needle, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist. Continue to communicate during anal sex by letting your partner know if it hurts or if you would like him to move more slowly or more quickly. It is important that you feel comfortable so don't be afraid to communicate!
Throughout this entire experience, it is your job to pay attention to what you are feeling, and communicate this to your partner. If something feels uncomfortable or painful, it's up to you to let him know. Before, during, and after anal sex, consistently check in with your partner to let him know what you need from him. Otherwise, he will be having the time of his life and will have no idea that you are not. Likewise, he should be supportive by asking how it feels and whispering sexy things to you to keep your mind in the action.
8. Remain in Control
It's important that the partner who is being anally penetrated for the first time remain in control. Remain in control of your man's penis so that you can guide it at a pace and pressure that you are comfortable with. Take your time in getting it in. This is also good because the lining of the anus is very sensitive, so pay attention to your body and stop if it is too painful. Some good beginning sex positions for when trying anal sex are doggie style and laying on your side with your partner behind you on his side.
9. Remember to Breathe
In those first few moments of penetration, the pressure tends to cause women to hold their breath. This results in the immediate tightening of those muscles, which will only lead to pain. Take deep, even breaths and focus on relaxing your entire body and release all tension. It may feel like you have to go to the bathroom at first, but just go with it.
10. Use a Condom
To minimize the risk of infection, be sure to clean your genitals before and after engaging in anal sex. In addition, do not go from the anus to the vagina as this can lead to infection or complications. Use a condom! If you are engaging in anal sex, discard that condom and put on a new one before penetrating the vagina to minimize the risk of infection.
11. Don't Forget Vaginal Stimulation
There are many shared nerve endings between the walls of the vagina and the anus, so stimulating the vagina simultaneously can be extremely pleasurable. If you feel comfortable, insert something (perhaps a finger or a vibrator) into your vagina while you are engaging in anal play.
12. Don't Stress Over It
If your man expresses interest in entering your back door, don't jump to wondering "Is my vagina suddenly not good enough for him?" (That's an actual question former Glamour editor Lindsey Unterberger fielded after one of her friend's boyfriend "accidentally" tried to put his p in her b.)
Unterberger assured her that she shouldn't worry; her man still lived for her vagina, though he was kind of a douche for not asking before going for her back door. "I said what I say about every sex act: Don't do it if you don't want to. And if you do try it, try it for yourself as much as for him. Most women are skeptical of anal initially, but many end up loving it. As one of our readers once put it: 'You have to try it once, ladies. I was so anti-anal sex, but I love my BF for taking it slow. Now I want it all the time.'"
Original text from GLAMOUR US read it here.