Do women find casual sex harder than men? Honestly – I don’t think we find the sex hard. I think we find the sleepover hard. Because while he starts snoring, we start churning: What time do we need to wake up? Is it really OK to wear the same top (and, er, undies) to work? Then – our brain’s climax – could we just… leave?
Truth is: no one wants to spend a night tossing and turning in a stranger’s sheets, with the prospect of washing your hair with shower gel and finding the only moisturiser is a tube of fungal nail cream. Not when you could be at home in your own bed, with your own bathroom and a guaranteed supply of toilet paper.
Yet, does this make us the worst of the ghosters: slinking out because his shampoo isn’t up to scratch and we fear a crap night’s sleep? Or is a swift Sexit the new way to know where you stand? Forget waiting three days of not hearing from someone – now it’s clear by morning.
I ask two single twenty-somethings how they’re hooking up.
“If I have any doubt about how I feel about him, I always sneak out,” says one, Maria. I get it – it’s the sleepover equivalent of going out for coffee instead of a 10-course tasting menu.
But her friend Zoe sneaks out for another reason. “No, if I really like someone then I always leave to play it cool,” she confesses. “It’s why I always stay at their house instead of bringing someone back to mine. You call the shots instead of laying awake, full of anxiety, worrying about if or when they’ll decide to leave.”
So while 'Sexit' isn’t Mark Darcy romantic, perhaps it is empowering – protecting our hearts by doing the one-night stand (now more of a half-night stand) our way. As Maria adds: “If the sex feels selfish or one-sided, or the other person behaves in a way that isn’t comfortable, get out of there. It’s not going to feel better in the morning when you’re looking for your knickers wearing only yesterday’s make-up and his duvet to cover your bits.”
She’s right – the only one-night stand I’ve ever regretted was the one where I wanted to leave but didn’t. I now think, if you’d walk out of a date after an offensive joke, why stay in bed after an offensive lay?
But with the exception of bad sex (or bad humans), we’re all decent enough to know that disappearing is a bit… shit. Roles reversed, if Carrie Bradshaw taught us one thing besides #shoegoals, it’s that waking up to an empty bed and a post-it note is no way to be dumped.
So I’m calling it the warn-night-stand. Where Sexit is socially and morally OK – particularly on a school night – providing it comes with a warning first. A simple, “I’ve got an early meeting so can’t stay I’m afraid”, lets everyone know that tonight is a sex ‘n’ go.
It might not decipher the level of attraction you both feel towards each other, but it does decipher where you’ll get your morning coffee. Which, like our sex, we’ll have to go.
Taken from GLAMOUR UK. Read the original here.
For more relationship advice, click HERE.