National Sex Day: Experts reveal why so many women don't reach climax

National Sex Day is often accompanied by jokes, memes and light-hearted social media conversations, but behind the humour lies a question many couples may be avoiding: are both partners truly experiencing satisfaction?

According to the 2023 Durex Global Sex Survey, South Africans aged from 18-65+ rank among the most sexually satisfied people globally, with 64% of sexually active adults saying they are satisfied with their current sex life. Yet the same research reveals a less discussed reality: nearly three in ten South Africans (30%) admit they have faked an orgasm, while only 52% say they have discussed their sex life with their partner as a way of improving it.

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The 2023 Durex Global Sex Survey’s findings point to an ongoing challenge often referred to as the "pleasure gap" - differences in how people experience sexual satisfaction and communicate their needs during intimate encounters. While the topic remains uncomfortable for some, attitudes towards intimacy are evolving. Conversations that were once considered taboo are increasingly becoming part of broader discussions around health, wellbeing and relationships. Experts believe this shift is helping to create greater awareness of the role communication plays in sexual satisfaction.

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The survey also highlights the strong connection between communication and sexual wellbeing. While 81% of sexually active South Africans agree that achieving orgasm is important for great sex, many still struggle to openly discuss intimacy, preferences and expectations with their partners.

Among younger adults, the desire for better communication appears even stronger. Nearly half (46%) of South Africans aged 18 to 24 say they would like to learn more about communication in sex, while 40% want more information about pleasurable sex. The findings suggest a growing appetite for honest, judgement-free conversations around intimacy and relationships.

" We've built an entire sexual culture around the male orgasm as the finish line. Then we act surprised when women don't get there," says Lisa Welsh, Sex Educator and Sexual Wellness Advocate.

"We expect couples to have conversations they were never taught to have, about things they were taught to be ashamed of. And pleasure was never a part of our sex education. So here we are, adults having sex with no real language for what we actually want,” adds Welsh.

For many young South Africans, conversations about sex are no longer limited to awkward classroom lessons or whispered conversations among friends. Podcasts, online communities, social media platforms and sexual wellness content creators have opened up new opportunities for learning and discussion. As a result, younger generations are increasingly viewing communication as an important part of healthy intimacy rather than something to be avoided.

According to Kuvashni Bhagwandas, Category Marketing Manager In Consumer Health at Reckitt Sub-Saharan Africa, the findings highlight the growing demand for education and open dialogue around intimacy.

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"When nearly half of young adults tell us they want to learn more about communication in sex, it highlights the importance of creating safe, informed and judgement-free spaces where these conversations can happen”, says Bhagwandas.

South Africa continues to face significant challenges related to HIV, sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancies, making conversations around protection and sexual health critically important. At the same time, the survey findings suggest there is growing interest in broader discussions around sexual wellbeing, including communication, connection and relationship satisfaction.

The findings suggest that South Africans, particularly younger adults, are increasingly interested in understanding intimacy beyond the physical act itself. From communication and connection to pleasure and emotional wellbeing, the data points to a generation that is actively seeking information, guidance and more open conversations to build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.