Why we lie in the salon chair — and how to stop politely

Most of us know this moment all too well. You’ve spent hours in a chair, hair being tugged, brushes sweeping your face, powder settling where it pleases. The final reveal comes. You look in the mirror…and your heart sinks. And yet, when asked, “Do you like it?” you smile and say, “I love it.”

You don’t...

beauty

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In 2024, a bride went viral on TikTok after going live on her wedding day while removing the makeup she had just paid for. The video reached over million views. The internet’s collective response was blunt: Why didn’t she just tell the makeup artist she didn’t like it?

The answer is simple, and deeply human. We are conditioned to protect other people’s feelings, often at our own expense. We imagine the embarrassment on their face, the awkward silence, the possibility of hurting someone’s confidence. We tell ourselves it’s not that deep. We convince ourselves we can “fix it later.” And so we walk out of salons quietly unhappy, money spent, confidence shaken.

@luvveee2 The original video#laurl #bridemakeup #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #fyp #viral #videoviral #fyp #foryoupage #viral #bride #weddingday ♬ original sound - Luvveee

There is nothing inherently wrong with empathy. But the unspoken question is: at whose cost? I’ve lost count of how many times this has happened to me. The most recent was especially painful. I sat for an hour if not two getting my makeup done for a work event, only for it to look nothing like what I had requested. I wanted to cry, And still, like clockwork, I said, “I love it.”

That moment forced me to reflect on why we struggle so much with honest feedback, even when we are paying for a service.

Interestingly, South Africa’s most talked-about media personality, whose name I won’t mention, is often labelled “difficult” or a “diva.” Stories circulate about makeup artists in tears, stylists dreading fittings, photographers bracing themselves for critique. The narrative is that she is harsh. That she is unkind.

But here’s the uncomfortable thought we rarely entertain: people who know exactly what they want, and insist on it, often get exceptional results. You don’t see her photographed with villain eyebrows or poorly laid wigs. Ever.

This is not a defense of unkindness or humiliation. Tone matters. Respect matters. No one deserves to be demeaned. But clarity? Clarity is not cruelty. Requesting adjustments is not an attack. Wanting to feel beautiful in your own skin is not unreasonable.

So how do we bridge the gap between honesty and kindness?

Start with language that centres collaboration, not blame. Instead of “I hate this,” try “This isn’t quite how I envisioned it.” Instead of “That’s wrong,” say “Could we soften this area?” Use references. Be specific. Point to what you’d like changed, not what looks bad.

@musebylove This is a safe space, always respectfully speak up if you would like to change something, and I will do my best to perfect it! She ended up loving her final look 💕 SHOP MY PRODUCT LIST 💕🔗^#musebylove #softglam #makeupartisttips #ncmua #greensboromua ♬ original sound - Love

“This isn’t quite what I envisioned, can we adjust a few things?”

This phrase sets the tone immediately. It communicates dissatisfaction without sounding final or aggressive, and invites the artist into a solution rather than a standoff.

“I think I’d feel more confident if we softened this area a bit.”

By framing the feedback around your confidence, the critique becomes personal preference rather than a judgement on their skill.

“It’s beautifully done, but it doesn’t quite feel like me.”

One of the most powerful and gentle truths you can say. It honours the work while asserting your identity, and identity always comes first in beauty.

“Can we go closer to the reference I shared earlier?”

This redirects the conversation back to expectations that were already set. It removes emotion from the feedback and makes the request objective and clear.

@noelleglammua_ Replying to @Zoe how to respectfully ask for changes at your bridal trial #bridaltrial #bridalmakeup ♬ original sound - Noelle

“I’m not completely happy yet, could we tweak this before we finish?”

Timing matters. Saying this before the session ends gives the artist room to fix things and shows that your goal is satisfaction, not complaint.

“This feels heavier than I’m used to. Can we lighten it?”

Direct, specific, and solution-focused. Artists can’t fix what they can’t pinpoint, this tells them exactly where to adjust.

“I really appreciate the effort, but I need to love the final look. Can we change this?”

This acknowledges their work while firmly establishing that your happiness is non-negotiable.

Most professionals actually prefer feedback, it gives them a chance to fix things before you leave unhappy or blast them silently in your head. And remember: you are not asking for a favour. You are participating in a service you’ve paid for.

Politeness does not require self-betrayal. The truth is, walking out dissatisfied helps no one. Not you. Not the artist. Not the industry. Learning to speak up, calmly, clearly, and respectfully, is a form of self-respect. And sometimes, it’s the difference between feeling confident and feeling invisible. You deserve to love what you see in the mirror, out loud, and for real.