Exclusive Q&A with the Author of The Girl Who Survived Her Mother, Moshitadi Lehlomela

With raw honesty and brave reflection, Moshitadi Lehlomela is redefining what it means to speak truth to trauma. Her memoir The Girl Who Survived Her Mother is more than a book — it’s a lifeline. In this powerful conversation, the writer, coach, and healer shares her journey through the mother wound, the process of re-parenting herself, and the message she wants every woman in pain to hear

Glamour: Your book’s title, The Girl Who Survived Her Mother is so evocative. Can you share the heart behind that title?

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Book Review: The Girl Who Survived Her Mother by Moshitadi Lehlomela

Moshitadi: I didn’t come up with the name — my publisher did. At first, I was apprehensive about how heavy and perhaps even confrontational it sounded. But I came to appreciate it for the truth it carries. In hindsight, I do realise that I have survived my mother. I survived years of abuse, neglect, emotional abandonment and rejection. It took me until the age of 30 to finally set myself free from the daily torment of that relationship. I truly survived my mother — and the title is a perfect description of what happened to me and the work it took to come back to myself.

Glamour: What moved you to turn your lived experience into a book — and not just a book, but a resource for others?

Moshitadi: The book was the brainchild of NB Publishers commissioning editor Mbali Sikakane — one of the most brilliant people I’ve worked with. She emailed me about publishing a memoir centered on my mother wound story. Honestly, I thought it was a joke at first. My first book hadn’t done well, so I couldn’t imagine anyone thinking I could write something impactful. But I took the leap. In six months, it was done.

On the other hand, creating resources for mother wound survivors has been something I’ve done since 2019. Initially, I was just sharing my journey online. But as people gravitated toward me and started requesting one-on-one coaching, I began to see it as deeper work — and that eventually birthed my first book as part of those resources.

Glamour: How did it feel to revisit the past, to write from the inside out, and then put it out into the world?

Moshitadi: The first three chapters — about my grandmothers and my mother — were easier because they weren’t my trauma. I was writing as a spectator. But when I got to my own story and my childhood, I cried endlessly. I wasn’t 33 anymore. I was that helpless little girl again, trapped in an unsafe home.

Eventually, I learned to pace myself — writing lighter chapters first and giving myself space to grieve. Once the book was done, releasing it into the world felt liberating. I had no fear or shame. Just deep gratitude for the opportunity to bring this topic into the world in the way only I could.

The Girl Who Survived Her Mother, Moshitadi Lehlomela, Image: Supplied

Glamour: Not everyone has language for what they’ve experienced. Can you walk us through what the ‘mother wound’ is and how it shows up in someone’s life?

Moshitadi: The mother wound is a layered psychological trauma. It can be personal, cultural, and even biological.

The personal mother wound involves relational harm; neglect, abuse, abandonment, often caused by your mother’s own trauma or character flaws. The cultural mother wound speaks to how beliefs and traditions distort motherhood; patriarchy, sexism, racism which I explore in my upcoming book. And the biological mother wound refers to trauma passed down through DNA.

But most people experience the personal layer most visibly and urgently. That’s where I often hold space first.

Glamour: What are some signs, even subtle ones that someone might be carrying a mother wound, even if they saw their childhood as “normal”?

Moshitadi: There’s no simple answer — which is why I have diagnostic tools for clients. But the mother wound shows up in how we see ourselves (shame), our actions (guilt), our future (fear), and our boundaries (anger). It affects your nervous system, your identity, your relationships — especially with women — and even your career.

Most obviously, though, if your relationship with your mother involved any form of emotional or physical abandonment, neglect, or abuse, there's a high chance you’re carrying a mother wound.

Glamour: You work with so many women in your coaching practice. Are there recurring beliefs or emotional patterns you see in women who haven’t yet faced this wound?

Moshitadi: Absolutely. Regardless of background, the core beliefs are rooted in those four emotions: shame, guilt, fear, and anger.

Many women believe something is fundamentally wrong with them, I hear “There’s something wrong with me” all the time. There’s guilt over being “selfish” or not pleasing others. And there’s deep fear, especially of becoming like their mothers. That fear often shows up in how they approach motherhood. And then there’s the anger, often repressed or intellectualised that still lingers beneath the surface.

Glamour: Let’s talk about healing. Where did your healing journey begin? Was there a moment of reckoning?

Moshitadi: There were many beginnings and relapses, but the turning point was in university. I was battling anxiety and had suicidal thoughts for the first time. That pushed me to seek therapy.

Those sessions gave me language for my pain. From that first day in 2012 to now, it’s been a continuous healing process. I’m proud to say I’m anxiety-free today — and deeply grounded in the life I’m building.

Glamour: How did motherhood shift the way you related to your own story and your mother?

Moshitadi: I’m still in my childfree era, though I mother children around me. I’m no longer the parentified child who raised her siblings. There’s now a softness, an empathy, that comes from grieving my inner child. That grief has made me a more compassionate “villager” for the mothers and children I support.

Glamour: What were the most powerful tools or moments in your own healing? And where did you find softness, when everything felt hard?

Moshitadi: Conscious grief work. In my Self-Mothering Practice course, I teach how to lean into emotions as teachers, not things to get rid of.

That practice helped me process trauma with compassion. And it’s also where I found softness. Making room for my inner child’s grief awakened a tenderness that allows me to hold space — for myself and others.

Glamour: On significant days like Mother’s Day, while some are celebrating their mothers, others grieve the mother they never had. What does it mean to hold space for that pain without getting stuck in it?

Moshitadi: You are not stuck if you’re making room for your grief. I cried through the first two Mother’s Days after going no contact. Now, I don’t cry.

People rush themselves to “get over” feelings that were never expressed. You’re not just grieving what you didn’t receive, you’re mourning a lost childhood and a mother you’ll never have. Let it take the time it needs. Over time, the space between the tears will widen, and you’ll fit more joy between them.

Glamour: You talk about re-parenting, learning to give yourself what you didn’t receive. What does re-parenting look like in a day-to-day, real-life way?

Moshitadi: Re-parenting means providing protection, nurture, discipline, and provision to yourself — just like a healthy mother would. But in this case, you’re mothering a traumatized inner child.

The question becomes: What did she need? How can I offer her that now? In the Self-Mothering Care Practice course, we have 17 modules dedicated to daily self-mothering of the inner child.

Glamour: What’s one gentle step someone could take today toward healing the mother wound?

Moshitadi: Create a safe, supportive environment where you can begin to come undone. You cannot heal in the presence of toxicity. Safety is the first step toward softness and real healing.

Glamour: If you could sit across from the little girl you once were, the girl who was just trying to survive her mother, what would you say to her?

Moshitadi: I’d tell her it’s not her fault. There’s nothing wrong with her. She carried her mother’s shame, guilt, and brokenness and made it her own. I’d tell her: We survived. We’re thriving.
And it’s all because of your courage to imagine something more.

Glamour: And what would you say to the women listening today who are in the middle of this journey, still hurting, still healing

Moshitadi: I’d say, you are not alone and it’s not your fault. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
You can get help. There are those before you that have walked this journey and have found healing. You too can do it

Glamour: How can people stay connected to your work, your coaching, your writing?

Moshitadi: I’m present on social media as Moshitadi Lehlomela (Facebook, Instagram, and X).
In all my profiles you can access my work and services by just clicking the link in my bio. My book, The Girl Who Survived Her Mother is available at all good bookstores nationwide and online on TAKEALOT and Amazon. I also have an upcoming book, Healing the Mother Wound which is based on the re-parenting work that I do that will be available nationwide and online as well. It will be published in August this year (2025)