Sometimes we have relationships, or relationship stages, where we just can’t keep our hands off each other. At times like these, we can be sure we’re experiencing lust, pure physical attraction. When you’re dating someone like this, you often spend most of your time either having sex, or thinking about having sex, and common sense goes out of the window.
Lust is a when your urge to have sex and to procreate becomes your primary drive. MRI scans of people who are “in lust” show the same area of the brain is stimulated as when a drug addict gets a fix of cocaine. You literally become addicted to the chemicals that your brain is releasing due to the depth of your attraction. When you’re in lust, it can affect your judgement. When the sex hormones are raging, lust can make you idealise your partner and project character traits onto them that you want them to have. You battle to be objective, to see the real person with all his or her imperfections.
You can be in love and in lust, and lust can sometimes lead to real love. When you’re in love, you know each other well and deeply, and there is no more of that idealising and projecting characteristics that simply aren’t there.
So how do we tell lust from real love?
5 Signs you may be in lust
- You focus is on a person’s appearance – their looks and their body.
- You’d far rather have sex than just hang out and have a chat.
- Despite the depth of your feelings, you never discuss feelings.
- After sex – or several rounds of sex – you go your own ways. There’s not much cuddling or going out for breakfast. It’s even a bit awkward.
- You might be lovers, but you’re not really friends.
7 Signs you may be in love
- Besides the sex, you like to spend quality time together just hanging out.
- You start to share parts of your lives – leisure time, finances, lifts to work, etc.
- You have fulfilling conversations in which time flies.
- You want to meet his or her family and friends.
- You care about the other person’s feelings and you want him or her to be happy.
- You want to be the best person you can be, for the benefit of your partner.
- While you know you partner’s shortcomings, you accept them.
For more of Ali Murray’s books and DIY fixes, click here. Ali is hosting another one-day workshop which will enrich your relationship. Through the sharing of real-life stories, practical skills and tools that work, the ‘Weekend Relationship Reboot’ will help you achieve a deep, rewarding relationship. The workshop takes place from 9am – 5pm on the 28th May in Parkmore, Sandton. The cost is R1 750pp (R1 500 for 3 + group bookings).