In 2025, having a boyfriend became embarrassing (according to Vogue, at least). In its place, friendships are receiving the kind of long-term intention once reserved exclusively for romantic partners: Friends are living or buying homes together, opening joint bank accounts, throwing platonic wedding ceremonies to formalize their commitment. No one wants to see your cheesy hard launch or romantic weekend upstate on Instagram anymore. But your girls’ trip? By all means.
Unsurprisingly, this cultural reckoning has made its way into the celebrity world too. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo’s unsettlingly close—and undeniably bold—bond throughout the Wicked press tour has become its own cultural phenomenon, complete with headlines, memes, and dating rumors. And while a few sitcoms like Sex and the City have celebrated the importance of friendship for decades, there seems to be a growing appetite for storylines that take platonic love seriously—evident in the new wave of shows like Dying for Sex, Platonic, and Overcompensating.
@daegan.dzl What happened on that movie set 😭 #arianagrande #cynthiaerivo #wicked ♬ QKThr - Aphex Twin
Taken together, these emerging trends are forcing us to reconsider a fundamental assumption: What does it truly mean to be a partner—and who deserves that title?
These days, we hear partner and think romantic. But the term was once primarily used in business contexts, Andrea Bonior, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and author of The Friendship Fix, tells SELF. It was a label that formalized a dynamic rooted in shared responsibility, mutual stakes, and reliable collaboration—all qualities that could just as easily describe the healthiest romantic relationships. And that’s exactly what happened: For LGBTQ+ couples who were denied the right to legally marry, partner became a way to name and claim the same lifelong devotion. Eventually relationships across the sexuality spectrum caught on: These days, partner is universally understood as being meaningfully equivalent to “spouse.” But if, at its core, partnership is about mutual care, support, and shared investment, why have we assumed for so long that those things only belong to romance?
It’s a narrative people are beginning to challenge in a movement some call relationship anarchy, influenced in part by the emotional fallout of the pandemic and the loneliness it amplified, Kimberly Horn, EdD, MSW, psychologist and author of Friends Matter, for Life: Harnessing the 8 Tenets of Dynamic Friendship, tells SELF. Being cooped up with a partner (no matter how attentive, loving, and sweet) made clear just how unrealistic it is for any one person to meet all of our emotional needs. For many, it was a wake-up call to the long-underestimated importance of a wider social circle.
There’s also a practical economic reality to consider. In the US, the housing crisis and cost-of-living increases have put singles, in particular, at a distinct disadvantage, according to Dr. Horn. While married couples at least have access to certain legal and financial structures—tax benefits, dual income, social security protections—unmarried people have to get creative to achieve the same stability. As a result, “economic pressures are pushing more people toward co-housing or sharing finances with friends,” Dr. Horn says, though these arrangements aren’t just rooted in convenience: They also represent a growing recognition that perhaps major life decisions—who to buy a home with, rely on in emergencies, or plan families with—doesn’t need to be reserved for a spouse simply because tradition says so.
At the same time, broader cultural shifts are reimagining what happiness, fulfillment, and success can look like for women, Corinne Low, PhD, associate professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania who researches the economics of gender and author of Having It All, tells SELF. Thanks to deeply rooted patriarchal norms, heterosexual marriage was long positioned as the primary (sometimes, only) path to financial security, social legitimacy, and family formation, which is no longer the case. Now, women can own property without a husband. They can build careers and be the primary breadwinner (in fact, the number of women who earn as much or more than their husbands has tripled over the past 50 years, according to Pew Research Center). They can decide independently what “family” looks like, which has transformed marriage from a necessity to a choice—one that, for many, may be losing its appeal.
“The key for marriages to work well is reciprocity,” Dr. Low says. “And what a lot of women see in relationships is that they feel it’s not reciprocal.” Even those who work part- or full-time still end up shouldering the brunt of the practical labor (cooking, cleaning, caretaking, scheduling) and emotional labor (initiating hard conversations, offering support, anticipating needs, absorbing stress). “So if you put these things into perspective, it’s clear why for some women, marriages seem like they’re declining in value,” she says. In its place, friendships are providing what traditional romance often promises but doesn’t always deliver: true reciprocity, without the historical baggage or unspoken expectations.
What makes these bonds particularly unique (and arguably, more authentic) is that in most cases, they thrive without any formal incentive—no legal contract, financial benefit, or societal reward. “You're not getting a ring,” Dr. Bonior points out. “You’re not signing a form. You don’t even have an official title.” There’s not even a way to guarantee that your best friend considers you their best friend. And yet, the loyalty appears anyway: A good friend answers your panicked midnight calls, takes hours out of their Sunday to help you move into your new apartment, plans the ideal birthday dinner only they know how to get right. Not because they’re expected to. Simply because they choose to.
So in a culture that hasn’t quite figured out how to formally appreciate platonic bonds (and likely won’t anytime soon), the question isn’t whether friends are the “new boyfriends” or if they should replace romance. Maybe the deeper truth is that friendship has always been the blueprint for a healthy partnership—the model of care, reciprocity, and steady commitment all of our relationships should be measured against, and not placed beneath.
Originally published on SELF.
