How to get over a long-term relationship breakup

When a long-term relationship ends, it doesn't just fade away quietly — it detonates. One moment, you're planning for the future, the next, you're negotiating who keeps what, pretending you don't care. Months later, you might find yourself on your bedroom floor crying into a tub of ice cream and scrolling through old messages from your ex. This chaotic part of moving on is rarely focused on. It's an emotional rollercoaster filled with days of convincing yourself you're fine, followed by nights of drafting closure paragraphs in your Notes app. Yet, there are ways you can navigate this unsettling, but necessary journey.

Here’s your imperfect, but honest guide to getting over a long-term relationship breakup while your heart refuses to move on.

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Allow yourself to spiral

The end of a long-term relationship is a form of grief, and grief doesn’t follow a schedule. Give yourself some space. Cry in the shower. Cancel plans. Sit in silence. Feel irrational. Crashout. You’ve lost more than a person; you’ve lost a shared connection and a familiar sense of self. Allow yourself to fall apart, but don’t let it consume you. Grief requires room and permission for it to happen, not complete control. Just remember though, heartbreak doesn’t require abandoning your life entirely.

Purge their existence

Breakups have a way of lingering in the things we keep: the hoodie in your closet. The mug they always used. The fourth anniversary letter they wrote you folded on your bookshelf like it missed the memo. These items anchor you to a past that no longer exists. Pack them away — not out of bitterness, but self-preservation. Ask a friend to help if you need moral support. Keeping their things “just in case” isn’t romantic; it’s emotional limbo. Trust me, that box of memories will anchor you to a past that no longer exists.

Cry until your tears run out

Crying isn’t a weakness, it’s all a part of processing and how your body regulates your nervous system. Watch sad movies. Create a heartbreak playlist and blast it until your speaker begs you to stop. Allow the process to be ugly. There’s something oddly satisfying about surrendering to the sadness. Eventually, as time goes by, the tears begin to come less easily. Not because you don’t care anymore, but because your nervous system is learning that the pain won’t destroy you.

Block them like your sanity depends on it (because it does)

Stop stalking their Instagram to see if they’ve moved on faster than you. Block them everywhere. Out of sight, out of mind isn’t just a cliché — it’s a survival tactic. You cannot heal in the same environment that broke you. Out of sight doesn’t mean the heartbreak didn’t happen — but it does mean releasing yourself from the constant emotional surveillance.

Find your way back to yourself

What did you love before them? Writing? Painting? Watching trashy reality TV? Long-term relationships shape us. When the relationship ends, there’s often a hollow space where “us” used to be. Fall in love with your potential again. Revisit what you loved before them or try something entirely new. The time and emotional labour you once poured into the relationship now belongs to you. This is a great time to reinvent yourself and remember who you were before them.

Practice radical self-care

Heartbreak convinces you that basic self-care is optional. It’s not. Eat properly. Drink water. Shower. Sleep. Include movement like dancing or exercising to your routine. Your body is grieving too by processing stress hormones, disrupted routines and emotional loss. Treat it as a priority.

Thinking about them before bed

Bedtime is prime territory for over thinking — the imaginary conversations, the what-ifs, the alternate endings. Interrupt them. Redirect your thoughts. Visualise something unrelated: a future trip, a new version of yourself, a life that feels steady again. Use your imagination, but remove your ex from the narrative. They don’t belong there anymore.

Write your heart out

Journal everything — the anger, the longing, the resentment, the questions that will never be answered. You’re not writing for clarity; you’re writing for release. Giving your thoughts somewhere to go allows your mind to process the situation.

Take it one day at a time

There’s no deadline for moving on. Don’t let anyone rush you. Mourn as long as you need, but know that every day you survive this heartbreak is a step toward the other side. And if the thought of getting back together creeps in, pause. The universe has a way of repeating lessons until they’re learned. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to let go.

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