No one wants Retroshade at the end of Mercury's Retrograde.
Long gone are the days of being single or taken, and as technology moves forward, so does dating, and the terminology thrown around seems to be getting more and more complicated.
But fear not, post-ghosting era, we're called on Bumble to exclusively break down the dating trends you need to have on your radar for 2020 if you want to stand a chance of securing your perfect match.
Let's start at the beginning. You've been texting a guy (or girl), you've got a bit of a connection (or as much of a connection as you can have over WhatsApp), and you're ready to take it to the next step and arrange that all-important first date.
You boldly ask "Where do you want to go?", and get hit with one of the following:
A) "Don't mind"
B) "You decide"
C) "I'll have a think" *never gets back to you*
D) All of the above.
Welcome, procrastidating. Much like the art of procrastinating that we've all nailed at some point, procrastidating is the act of pretending to be interested in going on a date with someone, and then avoiding *actually* arranging it because you can't be bothered. Relatable.
Slip Of The Hun
We've all been there. You've got *a few* people on the go (we're not judging), you're having daily conversations with almost all of them about completely different topics, and one day, you're going to slip up - AKA, slip of the hun.
However, slip of the hun is more than just putting "yes" to a message that says "how are you?" - it's the art of accidentally letting slip that you definitely have other potential baes on side. "Of course we can go on a romantic date Thursday!" you reply, when he asks how your day is. Oops.
Let's be real here, we blamed everything that went wrong in 2019 on Mercury being in retrograde (even when it definitely wasn't), and it's about to get a whole lot worse.
While 2020 has even more planetary retrogrades in store for us, retroshade is going to bring back a potential unwanted lover into your life. Mercury's powers cause us to do stupid sh*t (or so we like to think), but once its cycle is over, brace yourself for your ex to drop you a "Hey, how's it going?" text when you haven't spoken in months. PROTECT AND ARM YOURSELF, LADIES. DON'T TEXT HIM BACK.
They say certain people only want one thing from relationships, and we're sorry to say, but it's totally true, and it's called manifestdation.
A manfistdater goes dating knowing *exactly* what they're looking for, manifesting it, and maintaining their vision as the relationship progresses. If it gets to year three and they're still making you cook for them every evening - it's time to take a step back...
You're in a relationship, perhaps things aren't going so well, and things just seem to be simmering while you inevitably wait for your breakup and decide who gets custody of the nice pans you bought together.
During this time, you're probably not paying too much attention to each other, your partner may come home late at night or not bother to speak to you when they're not home - congratulations, you're being houseplanted.
Houseplanting is the step before ghosting. You're not being *totally* ousted, after all, you've got the shared kitchenware to think about, but it's about as close as you can get to living totally separate lives before cutting each other off.
We'd rather be a palm tree than a cactus.
Happy swiping! (or should we say, good luck) on all those dating apps.
[Via GLAMOUR UK]