The holiday season is meant to be about cheer and togetherness—at least that’s the idea. In practice, all of the gifts, travel plans, and family reunions you look forward to can also be the very things that make the stretch between Thanksgiving and New Year’s so overwhelmingly chaotic.
Even the most festive people can feel weighed down this time of year, and there are plenty of reasons why—the financial strain from buying presents; the social pressure of interacting with coworkers, friends, family; and the endless to-dos that make the holidays magical. On top of that, this season can be a painful reminder of the people we’ve lost or grown apart from—and for anyone traveling home, it can mean being thrust back into old identities and dynamics we thought we’d left behind.
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While it’s totally normal to feel exhausted and anxious, the good news is that there are ways to get ahead of it and take care of your mental health. Here are a few expert-recommended strategies to guarantee a less stressful, more enjoyable holiday season.
1. Lower your perfectionist expectations.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the idea of the perfect holiday celebration. But you don’t need to buy everyone the “best” or most expensive gift, decorate every last inch of your house, or bake an Instagram-bait pumpkin pie to have a memorable time.
Things can and will go wrong, no matter how seasoned a holiday host you may be. So instead of being quick to judge your shortcomings or spiraling over minor inconveniences, “give yourself the grace to not have everything be perfect,” Catherine Mogil, PsyD, a psychologist and associate clinical professor at UCLA’s Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, tells SELF.
A bit of self-compassion can go a long way: Not only can it make us more resilient in times of stress and more optimistic about perceived failures, but it can also provide the much-needed perspective shift to help you focus way less on what goes wrong and more on the positives—like how incredible it is to finally be reunited with friends and family again even though your flight got delayed, or, perhaps, how ridiculously fun it was to bake cornbread with your cousin, even if it tasted like dirt.
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2. Maintain some of your routines.
Humans thrive off of routines. Consistent, healthy habits—like regularly eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep—combat stress, improve our mental health, and make our lives feel more meaningful, research suggests. During the holidays, however, you’re probably eating and drinking more than you usually do, which can throw off your biological clock (a.k.a. sleep-wake cycle), and all sorts of other vital body functions.
Though it’s truly no big deal to indulge for a bit, it can be helpful to try and maintain some routines and healthy habits when you can. David Spiegel, MD, associate chair of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and director of the Center on Stress and Health at Stanford University, tells SELF that our stress response systems are much more flexible when we’ve rested and nourished our bodies. Aim to get at least seven hours of sleep, pace yourself with alcohol, and try to balance out the sugary treats with some colorful fruits and veggies. “[Mitigate] stress by taking care of your body first,” Dr. Spiegel says.
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3. Pay attention to the positives.
Because the holidays can quickly fill up with tiny (and, let’s be real, major) stressors, it’s important to take some time to acknowledge the good stuff.
As a starting point, Dr. Mogil recommends thinking about three things—small or big, new or old—that you’re grateful for every morning when you wake up. Maybe it’s your cozy bed, a cuddly pet, a positive interaction you had with a friendly stranger in town, or cherished memories with loved ones. “Try as best as you can to savor those good moments,” Dr. Mogil says. Research has shown that practicing gratitude not only boosts happiness but also helps to better cope with stress—which can come in handy the next time your dad sends you back to the grocery store to pick up more ingredients or your brother-in-law continues to talk over you at the dinner table.
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4. Find ways to be of service.
It may sound counterintuitive to help others when you’re the one who needs support, but some evidence suggests that acts of kindness can actually improve our moods. There is no wrong or right way to go about this: Sure, you can volunteer at a food kitchen on Christmas Day, but if you don’t have the time to commit to that sort of activity, or if you think it would add even more stress to your plate, you can give back in smaller, more attainable ways.
Hold the door open for a stranger, let someone go in front of you in traffic, or buy a neighbor coffee. Even a quick call or text to a close friend can make you feel a bit happier. “Those little things, of being of service to others and putting good out in the world, can also give us that dopamine boost,” Dr. Mogil says.
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5. Physically step away from the action.
If you start feeling like you’ve overextended yourself or people are crossing your personal boundaries, excuse yourself and do something you find restorative or rejuvenating, Dr. Mogil recommends. Practice some grounding techniques, go on a jog or walk, take (or feign) a nap, read a book, or listen to a podcast. If you can’t finagle that, take a few extra minutes in the shower or do some deep breathing exercises while you’re getting ready.
The holidays are inherently a time when emotions are high, and schedules are stretched thin. “Recognize your limits,” Dr. Spiegel says. This is supposed to be a time of cheer, camaraderie, and connection—don’t let the fleeting chaos rob you of the moments that matter.
Originally published on SELF.
