The go-to advice for what to do if you hate your job is often some version of “Just quit! Put your mental health first!” Which sounds amazing, in theory. The problem? It’s not that simple.
Few people truly love their jobs one hundred percent of the time: According to experts we spoke to, feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and even disliking your occupation from time to time is common—though it’s also far different from experiencing constant dread, burnout, and emotional detachment. Those are signs that your mental health has seriously been affected.
But not only is telling someone to walk away from their main source of income unrealistic, but it’s also extremely dismissive, according to Kerri Smith-Osei, LMFT, licensed therapist and founder of Nuff Healing in Woodland Hills, California. “It’s actually awful advice,” Smith-Osei tells SELF. For one, anyone stuck in a miserable profession has most definitely already thought (dreamed!) about leaving. More importantly, though, “people have responsibilities,” she points out. “They have bills. Their health insurance is usually tied to their jobs. And for marginalized communities, there are systems in place that make it really hard to just quit.”
That’s why anyone in this position deserves better, actionable advice—the kind that isn’t out-of-touch or generically cheesy. And while, unfortunately, there’s no quick fix for longstanding systemic issues that keep us in less-than-desirable positions, we did ask therapists for the most realistic advice about what to do if you hate your job and can’t afford to leave. Here are their tips.
1. Meet your expectations—nothing more.
In today’s hustle culture, there’s often pressure to go above and beyond your day-to-day duties. Covering a coworker’s shift when they’re sick, answering emails at all hours, attending “mandatory” meetings even on your day off…that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?
But when your job is completely destroying your mental health, one of the simplest things you can do is to scale back your workload a bit—and there are ways to do that without tanking your reputation or getting flagged for poor performance. “Don’t underperform,” Smith-Osei says—meaning, don’t start showing up an hour late or blowing off critical tasks you’re expected to complete.
Instead, figure out your own definition of “bare minimum,” Smith-Osei suggested, which “can look like saying, ‘I’m going to get back to you tomorrow’ instead of answering every late-night request that comes across your table, or turning off notifications after-hours because that’s literally protecting your peace.” In other words, do what’s required—and leave it at that.
@melrobbins Don't ever let the fact that you hate your job, keep you stuck. If you want to learn more about how two words, "Let Them," can transform your life and help you take back control, head to LetThem.com to get your copy of my new book, The Let Them Theory or listen to the 10-hour audiobook on @Audible. 💚 #melrobbins #letthem #letthemtheory ♬ original sound - Mel Robbins
2. Block out time for breaks (and actually use them).
Don’t just scarf down lunch while answering calls or sitting through a meeting. Use any designated breaks to actually step away and take a breather. “A lot of the time, we go to the break room or whatever and we’re still seeing our colleagues, talking about work,” Tiffany Young, PhD, LPC, a therapist based in Waxahachie, Texas, and author of Anxiety Goals: The Little Black Book of Day to Day Management of Anxiety for Black Women, tells SELF.
When your job is taking a major toll on your mental health, however, even short pockets of detachment can make you feel less overwhelmed. So go to your car and listen to music or a podcast, for instance. Block off 15 minutes on your calendar and take a brisk afternoon walk with zero pressure to be productive. Or use a midday coffee craving as an excuse to physically escape a micro-managing boss.
3. Find a hobby you’ll look forward to when the workday ends.
When work is sucking up every last drop of your energy, doing anything else in your off-hours can feel out of reach. However, “you’ve got to make time for things you enjoy outside of work,” Dr. Young says. Otherwise, it’s easy to start tying your whole identity to your career, which will only worsen your mental health.
Enter low-pressure hobbies, ones that won’t pile more stress onto your already-full plate. They’re not just good for helping you unwind, as SELF previously reported—they also give you a sense of purpose that isn’t all about productivity. The key, however, is not to force it. Pick an endeavor that genuinely sparks your interest, like a new workout class (maybe Pilates or a beginner-friendly boxing session). You can also lean into your social circle with more consistent transitions like Monday trivia nights, say, or weekly Bachelor watch parties. Making space for these little joys can remind you there’s more to life than just clocking in and out.
@nicolabcoaching I hated my job but couldnt leave. Sometimes things outside work can make the job youre doing more tolerable #ihatemyjob #careertiktok #careercoach #careertips @Nicola Bowyer ♬ original sound - Nicola Bowyer
4. Break down an exit plan into small, manageable steps.
“A lot of the time when we’re in a toxic job, we feel trapped,” Dr. Young says. One way to feel a little less helpless? Start planting seeds for an eventual way out…even if you’re not sure what that looks like yet.
Whether or not you’re ready to outline a full-on exit plan yet, considering next steps can be surprisingly empowering—it gives you something to look forward to and reminds you you’re not stuck for good. Though, to be clear, this doesn’t mean you have to launch right into an aggressive career hunt or prep for interviews, which may be overwhelming and counterproductive when a draining role leaves little room to think about the future. (Not to mention, there may not even be anything out there to apply to.)
Rather, starting an exit plan can be as bite-sized as updating your resumé or LinkedIn profile, Smith-Osei suggests, scheduling a monthly coffee chat with someone in your industry, or even spending a weekend reflecting on (or re-evaluating) what you actually want in your next role. According to Smith-Osei, these small, future-focused actions should “trick your brain into having that sense of control, so that everything isn’t so gloom and doom.”
5. Reframe your toxic job as a stepping stone instead of a dead end.
Finding a silver lining in an exhausting workplace environment isn’t easy—and no, we’re not expecting you to fake a smile and “look on the bright side.” But one strategy that can help, according to Smith-Osei, is mentally reframing your current role as a temporary stepping stone to something better, rather than a forever situation.
So instead of thinking, I’m wasting my time here, try switching to, I’m here anyway—how can I make this work while I plan my departure? If your dream role requires a skill you’re not so strong in (like leadership), for instance, offer to take the lead on a team project or onboard a new hire. It’s not about forcing yourself to overachieve or pretending to be passionate, but rather gaining experience that’ll look fantastic on your resumé. Or if you’re hoping to land a more creative role, find small ways to flex that muscle in the meantime—pitch a new idea in a meeting or create a personal website for a potential photography portfolio.
This way, you’re not simply withering away at a job you can’t stand—you’re actively making it work to your advantage, gaining tools and connections that’ll ideally land you something better. When you look at it that way, a soul-sucking role becomes a little less suffocating and way more strategic.
Original article appeared on SELF
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