He’s been swooning over you for months, but despite the excitement you felt when you first started dating, you’ve realised that he’s just not the one for you – and you know it’s going to break his heart. It’s never easy or pleasant to hurt someone, but there are ways to end a relationship that help ease the agony and also establish firm boundaries. Julie Ormond of the Jewish singles dating site eHarmony shares her top five break-up DOs and DON’Ts.
1 DON’T make it about your partner
When you tell someone that they are “too this” or “not enough that”, two reactions can occur. One, they can become defensive and attack you in return. Things can quickly turn ugly. Two, it gives them the opportunity to promise to be “more of this” or “less of that”. This can make an uncomfortable conversation even more uncomfortable as they plead for another chance to make things better.
2 DO make it about you
It’s really about you anyway. Let them know that you are the reason things didn’t work out – either you don’t want the same things they want or you are unable to meet their needs.
3 DON’T give them any hope that you will feel differently in the future
Make the ending final. Be kind, but firm. Give them the freedom to let go and move on with their lives.
4 DON’T agree to see them or talk to them after you end the conversation
Even if they beg to see you one last time and even if you miss them and their devotion to you, do not reach out. Make a clean break.
5 DO take the time to reflect on the relationship
Think about what the relationship has taught you about yourself and apply this to your next love interest. Appreciate the lessons that the relationship has provided and send your ex off with love and gratitude.
For more of Ali Murray’s books and DIY fixes, click here.