Arguing is an indication of wanting to communicate something – often something close to your heart. While many issues can be resolved through peaceful discussion, other conflicts can provoke anger, defensiveness, resentment and other strong emotions.
Studies show that constructive arguing can actually develop and deepen the mutual understanding and fulfilment in a relationship. However, it is important to understand your communication style, because a poor communication style can be extremely destructive to your relationship.
The good news is that if you do genuinely value, respect and care for your partner, you can break the destructive arguing-based cycle and you can learn to argue constructively.
Assess your relationship:
Read the below to find out if your arguments are deepening the divide between you and your partner, or deepening your mutual understanding and fulfilment from your relationship.
- Are able to resolve the issues that you and your partner face
- Are able to move on quickly without feeling personally attacked
- Experience a sense of relief from having resolved the issue
- Both feel that you emerging better people after an argument
- Are developing a better understanding of each other
…Then congratulations – your argument style is constructive and you are on track!
- End up feeling bitter and frustrated
- Feel deeply hurt afterwards
- Find it increasingly difficult to resolve issues
…Then it’s time for you to seek professional help. That way, you’ll be able to develop a constructive communication style and hopefully, save your relationship before there is “too much water under the bridge”.
For more of Ali Murray’s books and DIY fixes, click here. Ali is hosting another one-day workshop which will enrich your relationship. Through the sharing of real-life stories, practical skills and tools that work, the ‘Weekend Relationship Reboot’ will help you achieve a deep, rewarding relationship. The workshop takes place from 9am – 5pm on the 27th August in Parkmore, Sandton. The cost is R1 750pp (R1 500 for 3 + group bookings).