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A step by step guide to get you squirting in no time during sex

Even in the year 2024, the concept of squirting during sex is often met with wide eyes and whispers. Which makes sense: It has all the ingredients of a sexual enigma—the glossy sheen of mystery, the allure of taboo, the surprise and delight of unpredictability. But the truth is, squirting is neither super rare nor the end-all, be-all of sexual happenings (just being real). What it is, though, is a uniquely pleasurable experience for plenty of people with vulvas.

The misconceptions around squirting mostly stem from a lack of conclusive research on the topic—which may not shock you, since we’re talking about (1) sex and (2) female anatomy. “I always say we know more about the surface of Mars than we do about what’s really going on in women’s bodies [or that of anyone with a vulva],” Nan Wise, PhD, cognitive neuroscientist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and author of Why Good Sex Matters, tells SELF. As a result, she says it’s hard to claim that every person with a vulva can learn how to squirt (research puts the number of adult women who have ever squirted at 4 in 10), but a lot of experts believe it’s possible, even if it comes more naturally to some.

As for what that liquid actually is, where it originates, and what makes it spray…or dribble or spew? Read on to learn what some very innovative science is beginning to reveal about squirting, plus how to make your next sex-counter wetter n’ wilder.

First things first: Squirting and female ejaculation are not the same thing.

Technically speaking, “female ejaculate” consists of less than 10 milliliters of fluid (roughly two teaspoons) that looks like “watered-down milk,” Dr. Wise says. Whereas squirting (which can coincide with female ejaculation) is the release of more than 10 milliliters—and often much more—of fluid that can shoot, spray, or gush into the air, like your own personal hot spring.

Another key distinction: Female ejaculate is thought to come from the glandular tissue wrapping around the urethra (the tube where you pee from)—which, depending on whom you ask, is called either the paraurethral glands, Skene’s glands, “female” prostate, or, as Dr. Wise and other sex researchers now suggest, just the prostate (hooray for gender-neutral organs!). This tissue likely plays a similar role to a “male” prostate, as female ejaculate contains many of the same components as semen, minus the sperm. Squirt fluid, by contrast, is now known to originate in the bladder, thanks to a fascinating 2022 study involving five women whose bladders were filled with an indigo liquid; when they got down to sexy stuff and squirted, the fluid was totally blue.

You’re probably wondering then: Is squirting just peeing? Not exactly—though it’s a hotly debated question. The liquid that gushes out when you squirt contains components of urine like urea and creatinine, but it’s also been shown to have chemicals created in the prostate. Anecdotally, squirt is also typically clear and odorless, which has led many experts to suspect it is a distinct fluid from pee—potentially a diluted version (and containing more urine if you don’t pee before sex).

Regardless of what’s in the squirt, though, the act of squirting is distinct from peeing too. Squirting is a result of arousal or, more typically, orgasm, and it generally feels really good—whereas involuntarily peeing during sex (a.k.a. coital incontinence) can occur at any point of play and tends to have a negative effect on your sex life.

While the line between peeing and squirting may be a little fuzzy, one thing is clear: We’re doing no one any favors by conflating the two. That just stigmatizes what is actually a very normal (and often super hot) part of having sex for many people with a vulva. In fact, a 2021 study found that the squirt-is-pee narrative was a big contributor to feelings of embarrassment and shame—the last thing anyone should feel when their body is literally erupting with pleasure.

What does squirting feel like?

One thing that complicates the pee-versus-something-else debate is that the sensation that happens right before squirting can feel a lot like needing to pee, says Dr. Wise. It’s a reason why sex educator Marla Renee Stewart, resident sex expert for Lovers, always recommends that people pee before masturbating or having sex because “you want to be able to squirt in peace without thinking about peeing.”

Squirting has also been associated with a “deeper” or more intense orgasm (though it’s worth noting that squirting doesn’t always sync up with climax and can happen with sexual arousal too). Research assessing people’s feelings about squirting has found that most women (nearly 80%) say it enhances pleasure and boosts their sex life—but that’s not to say squirting will necessarily improve your orgasms if you don’t currently do it. To be totally clear, whether you gush like a geyser or experience no semblance of spritz, you can have fantastic orgasms.

So can I learn how to squirt during sex?

Again, it’s a controversial topic, but the experts we spoke with say it certainly doesn’t hurt to try. What’s important to clarify for yourself first is why you want to learn: If you feel pressured to do so—whether by a partner or because of any societal narrative that equates squirting with how “good” you are at sex—then it’s important to take a step back and remind yourself that your pleasure is the priority, Dr. Wise says. But if you’re curious to explore squirting as a way to feel even better in bed, scroll on.

Start by strengthening your pelvic floor muscles (outside of sex).

Your pelvic floor, that hammock of muscles running from your pubic bone to your tailbone, is intimately involved in orgasm; research suggests that the stronger it is, the more easily and the more powerfully you can climax. And there’s likely a similar connection with squirting: Research also shows that the stronger the contractions of your pelvic floor during sex, the more likely you are to squirt, Stewart says.

That means it’s a good idea to get into some pelvic floor training if you haven’t squirted before, but you’re looking to get there. Kegels are certainly an option, so long as you’re doing them correctly, as are using Kegels trainers or vaginal weights and practicing deep belly breathing to allow your pelvic floor to relax in between orgasmic contractions.

Masturbate often in whatever way feels best.

The more you explore your own body and get comfortable with the way you come, the easier orgasm gets, Dr. Wise says. It’s why she and Stewart are both staunch advocates of regular self-pleasure, whether you’re looking to squirt or just amp up the way you finish.

Masturbating sufficiently helps “lay down the pleasure pathways,” Dr. Wise says, referring to the connections between the nerve endings in your vulva and the parts of your brain that allow you to feel sexually satisfied. As you strengthen those associations, “orgasm becomes more likely to find you,” she says.

You can certainly get handsy with yourself, but sex toys can take things up a notch too. (Might we suggest toys that cater to the clitoris or G-spot?)

Give your clitoris and G-spot lots of love.

Here’s where things get juicy: Once you’re comfortable with masturbating to the point of orgasm, you’re ready to give squirting an official try. It’s not a bad idea to get yourself a sex blanket (or put something down on your bed that you don’t mind getting wet) before you dive in.

The scant research we have on what actually prompts squirting suggests that you’ll want to try stimulating your G-spot, the erogenous zone that’s typically located a couple of inches up the anterior (a.k.a. belly-side) wall of the vagina. (The whole concept of a specific spot is a little misleading; most sex experts agree that it’s more of a general area that allows you to stimulate an internal part of the clitoris instead.)

With a finger, penis, or dildo, you’ll want to apply pressure to that part of the vaginal wall “with vigorous, repetitive” motions, Dr. Wise says, adding that you can also bear down (yep, kinda like you’re trying to poop!) with your pelvic floor muscles while you go after that spot to potentially up your chances. As for why that might work? When you’re massaging the G-zone, you may also be “enrolling” the prostate glands nearby, Dr. Wise says. And the extra flex of your pelvic floor may push against the bladder too, says Stewart. Though research hasn’t fully confirmed these mechanics, TBH.

Stewart also recommends getting the external part of your clitoris involved—that sensitive nub at the top of your vulva. (After all, this button and the G-spot are part of the same network of pleasure-producing nerves.) Even just clitoral stimulation can bring you to an intense orgasm that gets your pelvic floor muscles cranking…which could have you squirting, she says. (If it sounds enticing to you, why not go for a best-of-both-worlds approach with a rabbit vibrator that offers inside and outside vibes?)

Breathe deeply and relax when you’re close to coming.

This is super important: You don’t want to be clenching anything down there when you’re about to finish, since it’s possible you could prevent your natural squirting response, Dr. Wise says. Again, the feeling right before squirting happens is often compared to needing to pee—but if you also know that you haven’t peed in a while, you might be concerned (understandably so) about regular ol’ pee coming out on its own or alongside your squirt, and so you might just hold it all in. (Again, it’s a good idea to make a habit of peeing before sex!)

Stewart recommends taking deep breaths as things start to heat up, which can help your pelvic floor muscles relax, so you’re less likely to stop the waterworks before they start.

Don’t get too in your head about it—seriously.

Telling you not to get worked up about squirting when you’re probably reading this article with the express purpose of squirting seems a little silly. But we have to say it: Much like having sex solely as a means to an orgasm, focusing only on squirting can suck the pleasure right out of the experience—which defeats the whole point. Not to mention, overthinking during sex can make squirting even more elusive, according to both experts. The less you can chase waterfalls, the more likely you are to become one!

Original article available on Self

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