For many of us, browsing through our favorite online stores isn’t just about shopping—it’s a mindless, relaxing act of self-care. (We call it retail therapy for a reason.)
When you shop, your brain’s reward center is activated, which triggers the release of the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine, Kate Cummins, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and speaker in the Bay Area, tells SELF. That explains how jumping from page to page can be strangely exciting. So why, then, does it sometimes leave you with an icky mix of guilt, regret, and hollow emptiness instead? We asked psychologists to break down the most common reasons your online shopping habit is leaving you drained (and not just financially)—plus, how to browse in a way that’s actually enjoyable.
1. The paradox of choice is overwhelming.
On the web, there are near infinite brands, retailers, and products to comb through. Not only are you drowning in pages of items, but you’re also inundated with tons of information—sales and promotions, customer reviews, details on materials, size charts, etc. All this, yet you still can’t see, feel, or try anything on.
“Research shows that we have a paradox of choice,” Diedre Popovich, PhD, an associate professor of marketing in the Rawls College of Business at Texas Tech University, tells SELF. “Consumers love to have a lot of different options available to us, but when we have too many, we actually end up in decision paralysis”—or the inability to pick due to overwhelming choices.
On top of that, many brands aren’t just selling products—they’re selling you a whole new lifestyle. It’s about “the idea that if you have this product, your life will be infinitely better,” Dr. Popovich says. Will a $15 organizer from Amazon finally make you a neat freak? Can those trendy jeans help you love your body, once and for all? It’s not that simple—and more often than not, you’ll end up with more stress, anxiety, and indecisiveness than you had when you started.
3. There’s mounting pressure to be a “responsible” consumer.
The cultural context around shopping is changing, which can make the experience even more stressful. Sustainability, in particular, is becoming increasingly important to customers as we learn more about the massive waste associated with high-buy lifestyles; it’s spurred social media trends like “underconsumption core” and the rise of ThriftTok.
While this awareness is undoubtedly positive, it can add even more pressure to make the “perfect” choice. For instance, trying to shop mindfully can become an impossible balancing act where you’re forced to weigh being a good person against other factors like price, quality, and buying something you actually like. In fact, one 2017 study published in the Journal of Business Ethics found that greater knowledge about sustainability is a source of dilemma, tension, and paralysis for people trying to lead a more sustainable lifestyle.
How to make online shopping feel better for your mental health
Dr. Cummins offers simple advice: “Set goals and boundaries.” In other words, if you’re on the hunt for something specific (like a new coffeemaker or pair of high-tech headphones), only shop for that item. Better yet, get clear on your exact preferences, Dr. Popovich suggests. Say you’re shopping for work shoes: Do you need a stacked heel for comfort? A neutral color that goes with everything in your closet? Don’t look at anything that doesn’t fit the bill. It might also be easier to identify a few brands you already love and trust, along with setting a timer (so you don’t end up wasting hours).
In moments when you do start to get overwhelmed, experts recommend taking a step back—literally. Physically separate from your phone or computer, move your body (even if you just pace in your living room), and then return to the task. By giving your brain a break and getting your blood flowing, you’ll come back to your cart thinking more critically and clearly, according to Dr. Cummins.
All that said, if you’re constantly walking away from your favorite clothing site feeling shameful, guilty, or depressed, it’s worth considering whether you’re using shopping as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Some red flags include doing it compulsively or in a way that’s messing with your life—such as overspending when you don’t have the money, buying items you don’t need, or browsing to avoid difficult emotions or things you need to do. (If that sounds familiar, consider seeing a therapist or other mental health professional.)
Barring these deeper issues, perhaps an aversion to online shopping is actually a helpful reminder that most of us don’t need more stuff. And when you are shopping for a legit reason, the tips above can ensure the experience doesn’t suck up too much of your time—or soul.
Originally published on SELF.
