As the founder of “We See You”, a ground breaking health consultancy, Dr. Zenda is widely acknowledged as a leading expert in women’s sexual wellness, who combines her depth of experience with compassionate insight to empower individuals through knowledge and innovative care. Here, she shares invaluable information to nurture understanding and enhance sexual wellness.
GLAMOUR: What is the importance of sexual health as a component of overall well-being?
Dr. Nompumelelo Zenda: It’s about achieving a harmonious balance in our daily lives, allowing us to not merely survive, but to truly thrive. When we talk about sexual well-being, we embrace a holistic approach that encompasses all dimensions of our health, including our sexuality. A healthy and informed sex life has transformative effects. It boosts our self-esteem and confidence, enhances our relationships, and empowers us to make informed choices regarding our sexual health and pleasure.
G: How important is prioritising pleasure over performance in intimate relationships?
NZ: Let’s be honest, the body, stamina and hormonal orchestra you had in your twenties is definitely not going to look the same in your forties, fifties and beyond. Prioritising pleasure overperformance is one of the superpowers of sexual intelligence. It gives you the freedom to enjoy sexual pleasure at any phase of your life, no matter how you body may have changed. Understanding that pleasure is your innate human right also gives you permission to advocate for what you desire in the bedroom. Most importantly, it liberates you to express yourself when you are vulnerable, allowing for greater connection with your partner (if you’re in a relationship),and a fulfilling sexual life.
G: How does body image affect sexual confidence and pleasure?
NZ: Both self-inflicted and societal pressure to have perfect, forever-young bodies plagues us deeply, especially as women. This makes it that much harder to accept our changing bodies. Life happens, and our physical appearances will transform through pregnancies, and the radiance of youth will fade as our super hormones (oestrogen, testosterone and progesterone) decline with age. I encourage women to change their perspectives. Instead of focusing on body confidence, we should prioritise authentic inner confidence, and instead of grieving our youthful, firm bodies, we should understand the value of a balanced, healthy body at every phase of our lives. And instead of dreaming about explosive multiple orgasms, we should nurture quality connections in sexual intimacy and embrace our changing sexual taste buds.
G: How do hormonal changes affect libido and sexual well-being through life stages?
NZ: Key hormones that affect our sexual drive and pleasure include oestrogen, testosterone and progesterone. They surge at puberty, peak in our prime fertility years (25–33), then slowly decline in our mid-thirties, coming to their lowest during and after menopause. These hormones also fluctuate during the menstrual cycle; they’re highest at ovulation and lowest during the premenstrual phase. Other factors such as pregnancy, the postpartum phase, contraception, illness and life stresses also interfere with our hormonal orchestra. When these hormones take a dip regardless of the phase or circumstance, they negatively affect our sexual health.
Here’s how:
Declining oestrogen (the feel-good, glow hormone)
- Decreased libido/sexual drive
- Decrease in sexual response or lubrication leading to vaginal dryness, which in turn leads to pain and sexual avoidance.
- Thinning and fragility of the vaginal lining which may lead to inflammation, discomfort and an increased susceptibility to yeast and bacterial infections. This makes sexual intimacy uncomfortable. Women may also report poor or decreased sensation.
Declining testosterone (the energetic, sexual desire hormone)
- Decreased libido
- Decreased energy and more muscle loss
- Decreased metabolism, therefore increased weight, which in turn affects body image.
Declining progesterone(the calming hormone)
- Depression and anxiety. When we don’t feelgood, we are unlikely to respond positively to sexual cues.
G: How do you communicate your desires to your partner effectively?
NZ: First, take the time to get to know your sexual body and tastes. You’re a better communicator and teacher when you are clear about what you enjoy and what you don’t. Clear communication is key: we are lifetime students of ourselves and our partners, so make the eff ort to have the uncomfortable conversations about sex before, during and after intimacy. Take the time to listen to your partner and honour their tastes, which may be very different to your own. Lace the conversations with plenty of grace and kindness. Sexual intimacy is already an extremely naked space, literally and figuratively, so mind your tone, pick a time when there is no conflict, teach them not to criticise, and highlight where they are doing well.
Initiate sexual intimacy — instead of giving your partner a to-do list, initiate and show your partner the kind of sexual pleasure you desire. Lastly, but most importantly, clearly state your non-negotiables and negotiables, particularly in a long-term relationship. Share your fears, traumas and triggers so your partner has context about why you may enjoy certain activities, and not others.
G: What brings women pleasure and diversity of experience?
NZ: Every woman is different. I often say that the brain is the largest sex organ, because pleasure begins with a positive attitude towards sexual intimacy. Women experience great pleasure in environments where there is no judgement, and when they feel safe and able to express themselves, whether they’re a novice or experienced in the bedroom, and are not feeling coerced or manipulated.
On a physical and emotional level, foreplay for women begins in small acts of kindness, consideration and affection throughout the day. Women also define sexual intimacy beyond penetration —foreplay and clitoral stimulation are the main meal for most women. I’m delighted to see more continuous dialogue around sexual health and pleasure, it allows us to shake off oppressive societal taboos and stigmas that have often robbed many women of their right to pleasure.
When our sexual health is compromised, it can affect us physically, mentally and emotionally. It can influence our self-esteem, relationships, workspaces, and how we engage with society. Open dialogue is crucial inclosing sexual educational gaps and fostering a healthy, non-judgemental perception. By sharing our experiences and perspectives, we improve our sexual well-being, empower each other through credible information to make healthy sexual choices, and shine a light on social ills relating to sexuality. Neglecting conversations around sexual well-being and pleasure is simply no longer an option.
G: How important is continued sexual exploration?
NZ: This is another game-changer in keeping the sexual pleasure spark alive. Exploration is important because we are evolving beings, what we enjoy changes over time, and finding what works for you at any phase of life gives you the confidence to always show up for your own pleasure. It keeps the relationship vibrant, exciting and curious about your body and your partner.
G: What are the benefits of sex toys and play?
NZ: Sex toys allow us to explore our bodies and erogenous zones. They come in different shapes and sizes, and are designed with specific body parts and pleasure in mind. Some toys may help you discover your G-spot, which is an erogenous zone located inside the vagina. Many couples report that sex toys enhance the quality of their sex lives and contribute to increased overall relationship satisfaction.
Sex toys are a great aid for multiple sexual challenges and dysfunctions, such as early ejaculation in men, lubrication, and more frequent orgasms in women. They can also help alleviate pain, reduce stress, improve sleep and strengthen the pelvic muscles. My favourite toys and games include ones for women, men, and ones that can be used as a couple:
- For couples: Erotic board games or cards make sex fun and adventurous.
- For her: Vibrating wands and roses are great clitoral stimulators.
- For him: Cock rings help retain blood in the penis, giving a longer erection and increasing orgasmic pleasure.
It doesn’t matter where you learn, be it books, podcasts, credible websites, or experts. What is important is educating yourself, your family and gently getting comfortable with sexual health and pleasure conversations first in our homes, then in our social circles and community. Dr Gynae’s top resources include:
Books
Mommy, My Body’s Changing by Dr Mpume Zenda
This book aims at creating a positive experience for young girls entering puberty by educating and empowering them and their parents or guardians in a simple, non-threatening, culturally and age-appropriate and celebratory manner. It’s a great resource for teen girls coming of age, and their parents or guardians.
Websites
Clicks Wellness
I’ve been one of the experts on this platform and it has been a pleasure sharing credible information on various topics from contraception to menstrual health, sexual pleasure and menopause. It’s relatable and focuses on burning questions that people often ask.
Ignite Intimacy
This is your ultimate sex-toy and info go-to. They don’t just sell you a product; they educate you on why, how and which toy is suitable for your needs.
igniteintimacy.co.za
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