Balancing love and temptation: Getting over a crush while staying committed

As much as we'd love to say our partners are our everyday crush, it would be a bit cheeky to claim that hypothesis as gospel truth. Let’s be honest for a moment, our partners are obviously the chosen ones in our lives. We’re with them for meaningful reasons: they love us, communicate well, spend quality time with us, and are committed to the relationship.

But every now and then, something, or someone, catches our eye and gives us that sudden rush of adrenaline. It might be a celebrity, an athlete, or even someone a little closer to home… like a colleague. I know, I know, no judgement here. A harmless crush has never hurt anyone… unless, of course, you’ve seen Obsessed.

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Let’s get serious for a moment. You love your partner, but your mind or eyes keep drifting back to someone else you’ve come across. You absolutely don’t want to act on it, but the idea of being alone with this person makes you nervous. Maybe you’ve started daydreaming about Lewis Hamilton…

So, how do you deal with a crush before it spins out of control?

1. Identify What’s Attracting You

Start by getting curious, not critical. Ask yourself: What exactly is drawing me to this person? Is it their confidence? Their physical appearance? Their ambition? Or maybe they’re giving you attention in a way you’ve been craving?

Understanding the root of the attraction helps you see it more objectively. Sometimes, the crush is simply filling a gap, emotional, physical, or psychological. Once you understand the why, it’s easier to let go of the fantasy and focus on what’s missing or needed in your current relationship.

2. Acknowledge the Feelings (Without Shame)

Suppressing or denying your feelings can actually make them more intense. So instead of pretending your crush doesn’t exist, acknowledge the feelings. You’re human, and attraction is a natural part of that.

The key is not to shame yourself, but also not to dwell on the fantasy. Think of it like a passing cloud, notice it, accept it, and let it float by without attaching too much meaning to it.

3. Create Boundaries (Online and Offline)

Tempted to check their Instagram stories? Always “accidentally” ending up at the coffee shop where they hang out? It’s time to set some boundaries.

Unfollow or mute them on social media if it helps reduce the emotional pull. Avoid situations where you know you’ll run into them unnecessarily. You’re not being rude, you’re protecting your relationship and your peace of mind. Out of sight really can help lead to out of mind.

@therapyjeff 5 ways to get over a crush that you really don’t want to have. #therapy #mentalhealth #dating #relationshiptips #datingadvice ♬ original sound - TherapyJeff

4. Reconnect With Your Partner

Often, a crush can highlight areas in your current relationship that need attention, whether it’s excitement, intimacy, or emotional closeness. Use this moment as an opportunity to reconnect.

Plan a date night. Try something new together. Have an honest conversation about how you’re both feeling in the relationship. The goal is not just to distract yourself, but to genuinely strengthen the connection with the person you’ve committed to. Intimacy grows with intention.

5. Redirect Your Energy Into Something Fulfilling

Idle thoughts breed daydreams. If you’re obsessing over a crush, it may be a sign that you need more mental or emotional stimulation in your own life.

Pick up a new hobby. Start a fitness challenge. Volunteer. Channel that emotional energy into something that nourishes you and builds your confidence. The more fulfilled you feel independently, the less space your mind will have for the distraction.

A crush doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, or with your relationship. But it can be a gentle nudge to explore, reflect, and re-engage. With a little awareness and care, you can steer your heart right back to where it belongs.