It’s tempting to try to bypass coworkers in the break room or limit small talk with the person waiting next to you in an effort to avoid what you suspect will be a dull conversation. But new research makes a solid argument for leaning into these “boring” chats.
The study, which was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that people who actually engage in these conversations thought that they were much more interesting and enjoyable than they expected. But beyond that, there is data to suggest that having these “boring” conversations could do your mental and physical health a solid.
“These moments are small, but they are not trivial,” Nicholas Allan, PhD, psychologist and assistant professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral health at The Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center, tells SELF. Here’s why.
@motivationbi You Need to Be Bored. Here s Why. #motivation #life #bored ♬ Stories 2 - Danilo Stankovic
The study did a deep dive into conversations around topics people usually find dull.
The research focused on nine experiments featuring 1,800 participants. During the experiments, participants were asked to predict how much they would enjoy talking about a range of topics they identified as boring. These included World Wars I and II, nonfiction books, math, onions, the stock market, cats, and vegan diets. These chats happened with either strangers or friends, and were in person or online.
The researchers discovered that while participants said they expected the conversations to be pretty lame, they reported afterward that they enjoyed them much more than they thought they would. This even happened when both people in the conversation thought a topic was boring.
“We decided to conduct this research because so many people avoid conversations they think will be boring. We cancel small talk, dread networking events, and assume that certain topics, like the weather, commuting, or daily routines, just won’t be interesting,” Elizabeth Trinh, lead study author and a doctoral student at the University of Michigan, tells SELF. “If conversations are generally good for us, why do we so often expect them to be dull or draining?”
Being engaged in the conversation matters more than what you’re talking about.
Ultimately, the researchers found that being engaged in the conversation was what really mattered. “Engagement drives enjoyment more than topic does,” Trinh says. “People assume that interest comes from having a fascinating subject. But in reality, what makes conversations enjoyable is the sense of connection like feeling heard, responding to each other, and discovering unexpected details about someone’s life. Even a mundane topic can become meaningful when two people are actively engaging with each other.”
People are social creatures by nature and connecting over a topic that feels boring, like onions, is still a social connection, Aaron P. Brinen, PsyD, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, tells SELF. Thea Gallagher, PsyD, clinical associate professor of psychology at NYU Langone Health, agrees. “Sometimes people will predict that a conversation will be awkward or uncomfortable. But if you try to connect and listen in a conversation, there can be great benefits,” she tells SELF.
As a result, Dr. Gallagher says she encourages her patients to have conversations everywhere they go. “Being a lifelong learner can be very powerful,” she says. “At the end of the day, connecting with humans can make us feel good.”
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These little “boring” conversations can have a big impact on your health.
These chats can seem pointless, but experts stress that they’re actually not. Not only will you likely find that you enjoy “boring” conversations more than you expected, it could keep you from feeling lonely.
“Loneliness is not just about how many people someone sees. It is about whether interactions feel connecting and meaningful,” explains Dr. Allan. Side-stepping a “boring” chat is likely to increase your sense of loneliness, Dr. Brinen says. “Even if you didn’t want to be a part of that conversation, you’re still lonely,” he points out.
Loneliness on its own is a horrible feeling, but it can also have a big impact on your health. Feeling lonely or socially isolated raises the risk of a slew of serious health conditions, including heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, dementia, and early death, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). “When we find a way to be engaged with other people, it meets that need to connect with others,” Dr. Brinen says.
@askvinh Conversations usually stop because we haven't learnt how to layer our responses with multiple different threads! I'm not suggesting this is a strategy you use every time you speak to anyone; remember there's a time and place for everything. But if you're looking to have more meaningful conversations with other people, this is one of the best ways to get started!
♬ original sound - Vinh Giang
Over time, those small “boring” moments can build on each other, Dr. Allan says. With that, your feelings of loneliness—and health risks that can come with them—decrease.
Of course, some interactions with others aren’t great. “Not all social contact is beneficial,” Dr. Allan says. “More contact is not automatically better. What seems to matter most is whether the interaction feels respectful, reciprocal, and emotionally safe. Positive connection helps. Depleting or hostile interactions do not.”
Ultimately, Trinh recommends keeping an open mind when it comes to future conversations. “We may be missing out on connection because we misjudge how conversations will feel,” she says. “If we avoid talking to someone because we assume it will be boring—like a coworker at the coffee machine, a stranger at an event, or a neighbor in the elevator—we may be unnecessarily depriving ourselves of small moments of connection that could improve our mood and sense of belonging.”
Originally published on SELF.
