In today’s high-achieving world, “What do you bring to the table?” has become a common mantra—even in friendships. But at what cost? Registered Counsellor Melissa Davids shares her insights.
Friendships have long been safe havens for women—spaces where we could be vulnerable, emotional, and real. But according to Registered Counsellor Melissa Davids, that’s starting to change. “More and more women feel pressured to perform, even in their closest connections,” she explains. “Somewhere along the way, we began treating friendship like a boardroom pitch, rather than a bond rooted in trust, presence, and shared humanity.” Below, she unpacks the shift and what it means for modern friendship.
The Rise of Transactional Friendships
When we adopt the mindset of "What do you bring to the table?" In our friendships, we begin to subtly evaluate people based on their usefulness rather than their hearts. Is she well-connected? Can she help me grow my business? Does she look good on my Instagram feed?
This unspoken checklist turns relationships into transactions. And when people stop "performing," or no longer serve a strategic purpose, they’re quietly phased out. The result? Loneliness disguised as being “selective,” and burnout masked as “protecting your peace.”
Authenticity Is Not a Luxury—It’s a Need
True friendship isn’t about what someone offers—it’s about how someone makes you feel. It's the friend who brings soup when you're sick, listens without trying to fix, prays with you through your confusion, and celebrates your wins without envy.
As women, we’re already expected to juggle careers, family, health, and social expectations. Must we now audition for friendship, too?
A Call to Reframe
Instead of asking “What do you bring to the table?” maybe the better question is: “Can we build the table together?”
Here’s what authentic friendship looks like:
- Presence over performance: Being available, emotionally and physically, not just when it’s convenient.
- Consistency over clout: Choosing depth over numbers—real connections over popularity.
- Grace over gain: Allowing your friends space to grow, change, and sometimes fall apart, without withdrawing your love.
Sisterhood Over Strategy
In a world that increasingly commodifies relationships, choosing to value authenticity is a radical act. It says: I see you. Not for what you do, but for who you are. And that kind of love? It heals, uplifts, and endures.
Let’s be women who build circles, not tables. Women who show up, not just stand out. Women who choose people, not performance.
Because at the end of the day, real friendship isn't about what’s on the table, it’s about who's sitting with you around it.
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