Whatever the reason, choosing not to drink—and owning that decision—is definitely a process, whether you’re doing it for one night, a few months, or forever. Even as trends like the sober-curious movement and Dry January have helped normalize sobriety as a socially acceptable choice in a liquor-loving culture, some stigma and judgment—or even just questions—still linger.
In part, that’s because saying no often requires a level of self-advocacy many of us aren’t used to. “The discomfort around ordering a mocktail isn’t always about the alcohol itself,” Annalyse Lucero, LMFT, a licensed therapist based in Albuquerque, tells SELF. “Oftentimes, it’s more about the challenge of setting boundaries without feeling guilt and fear about disappointing others.” (Maybe you’re worried about seeming uptight around your tipsy coworkers, or dread standing out at a party with your empty hand.)
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It’s not easy to confidently reply, “No thanks! Stop asking!” when you’re put on the spot. So to make boozy situations less nerve-wracking, we’ve rounded up a few direct responses (along with some clever excuses) for the next time you want to shut down follow-ups and enjoy your sparkling water in peace.
1. “Actually, I’m good with this.”
“Naturally, some people might call you out simply because they notice you don’t have a drink in your hand,” Lucero says. An easy fix, then, is to hold something—Coke, sparkling water with lime, or a fruity mocktail that looks like a real one.
And if someone does catch on to the fact that your cup is alcohol-free—and tries to change that by offering a complimentary tequila shot—then you can casually assert that you’re perfectly happy with what you’ve got, Lucero says. It’s a simple, nonconfrontational way to stand your ground and avoid unnecessary back-and-forth.
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2. “I’m trying to save money right now.”
In today’s economy, cocktails, vodka shots, even draft beers are getting undeniably pricey. Leaning into this financial reality isn’t just super relatable; it’s also a solid excuse most people won’t push back on, Sasha Hamdami, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist based in Kansas City, Missouri, tells SELF.
That said, this option might not work if you’re with generous friends who inconveniently insist on picking up the tab or covering your round. If that’s the case, consider pivoting to one of the many other responses below that might better fit your particular situation.
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3. “I have to get up early tomorrow.”
What, exactly, you’re waking up for is up to your imagination, Amanda White, LPC, LMHC, owner of Therapy for Women Center in Philadelphia and author of Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love, tells SELF. If you’re stuck at a Thursday happy hour, maybe it’s tomorrow’s 8 a.m. meeting you need to prep for. Or on the weekend, a Sunday morning yoga class you’re already committed to—and don’t want to show up hungover for.
The best part about this option is how easily it can be customized to your lifestyle and what’s most realistic for you, White says. Just be prepared to stand your ground, especially if someone argues that “one drink can’t possibly hurt.”
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4. “I’m driving after this.”
A classic, but for good reason. “Most people respect and understand that you’re prioritizing the safety of yourself and others,” Lucero says, which can help you avoid unwanted judgment or peer pressure. Keep in mind, this might not make sense if you Ubered to the event or if you know your problem-solving friend will offer to drive you home. Generally though, Lucero explains that it’s much easier for others to accept your “no” when it’s tied to something universally respected and nonnegotiable…like not drinking and driving.
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5. “I’m not supposed to drink with the meds I’m taking right now.”
You don’t need to dive into the nitty-gritty of your made-up symptoms (unless you’re down to be extra dramatic), or memorize a list of specific meds that can’t be mixed with alcohol. (If you really want to cover your bases, blame antidepressants, painkillers, antibiotics, or Ibuprofen.)
According to Dr. Hamdami, “most people won’t pry into the details of your imaginary diagnosis.” Even so, anyone who tries to push back on Doctor’s Orders or nudges you to have one little sip risks coming off as insensitive or worse—like they don’t care about your health.
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6. “I’m trying to cut back.”
Maybe you’re participating in Dry January to improve your health in the New Year. Or you’re using it as an opportunity to reassess your relationship with alcohol (like if you’ve been using it to numb out).
Whatever the reason, it’s nobody’s business but your own, which is why White recommends going with something short, sweet, and simple like this. And in the case that a well-meaning but intrusive loved one presses for more, a quick, “Oh, it’s personal and I’d rather not get into it” should end those speculations pretty fast.
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7. “I have really bad diarrhea.”
If you’re set on making sure no one considers handing you a boozy beverage (by any means necessary), Dr. Hamdami is all for getting as graphic as you need—and blaming explosive diarrhea will definitely do the trick. For example, “That’s a tempting offer, but I’d be glued to the toilet all night if I had one,” or “I’ve been having really bad stomach issues, if you know what I mean.”
In case you didn’t know, alcohol can indeed make some people shit their brains out. And chances are, no one wants you to be the party pooper (literally), which is why this type of uncomfortably candid confession remains one of Dr. Hamdami’s personal favorites. “I cannot imagine a single counter-argument to this one,” she says.
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8. “Ugh, I hate how alcohol makes me feel.”
Want to make sure your “no” lands smoothly without raising eyebrows or triggering intrusive questions? Make sure it’s something most people can easily relate to, Dr. Hamdani says—and there’s nothing more familiar than a throbbing, pulsing headache, or queasy nausea lots of us experience after downing too many glasses of red wine. Plus, when you’re blaming a physical reaction, it tends to be harder for others to peer pressure you into drinking, she adds. (Though to be clear, they should equally respect your emotional and mental health, too!)
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9. “Nah, I’m good.”
Just cut to the chase. While elaborate white lies or long-winded explanations may be easy escapes in the moment, relying on them too often can backfire. “Sometimes, we feel like we need to come up with ‘better’ or more ‘acceptable’ excuses for not drinking, instead of sticking to the boundary we’ve set for ourselves,” White says, adding that this can reinforce the idea that you owe people an explanation for your choices. (But the truth is, choosing to abstain is just as valid as choosing to drink.)
Being upfront about your sobriety doesn’t mean you have to be defensive or curt. To get your point across firmly and politely, Dr. Hamdami recommends keeping your response short and straightforward, redirecting the conversation back to them with something like “I’m good, but what are you drinking?”
Remember, “no” is a complete sentence—one that’s worth saying without justification or apology. You’re setting clear limits about your lifestyle and encouraging others to respect them—end of story.
Originally published on SELF.
