Navigating Valentine's Day in modern dating culture

Valentine’s Day has a knack for making us take a closer look at our relationships. Every February, we find ourselves grappling with the same questions: Who should be putting in more effort? What does that effort actually look like? And why does dating feel tougher than it used to?

For many men and women, dating has been far from the sweet, romantic experience one might hope for. With communication often hit or miss, intentions unclear and emotional unavailability at its peak, effort can feel little to non-existent before the relationship even has a chance to settle.

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Recently, these frustrations sparked a debate about expectations around dating, effort, and reciprocity — highlighting just how much our ideas around romance have evolved. The conversation questioned why some women hold back on “matching effort” early on in a romantic connection, using examples like cooking, planning dates or showing up more actively before commitment is established. For many men, it echoed the pressure to initiate, pursue and provide, often without clarity on where things are headed.

@yngjefe_95 Your comment will tell me if you are one of these women, just saying #viral #fyp #jeffmorrow4 ♬ original sound - Jefe

Women were quick to respond, explaining that cooking isn’t about a lack of interest, but about boundaries. In a dating culture where giving too much too soon has often led to emotional labour without reciprocity, many women now approach dating more cautiously. From this perspective, pursuing isn’t about spending money or going all out — it’s about consistency and intention.

@respectfullygabby Dont chase, attract #datingtips ♬ original sound - Gabby

The conversation quickly widened with some pointing out that “broke guys never struggle to find partners” offline, reinforcing the idea that romance has never been about finances alone, though some disagree with that statement. Others argued that simple gestures like flowers twice a month or thoughtful check-ins can be just as meaningful as grand gestures.

The idea that social media is making women's standards so unrealistic that they miss out on good men is just another very online take because the broke guys never struggle to find partners.
— Vhasa 💜🍉 (@JayFromVenda) January 31, 2026

You are being dishonest. This is South Africa. We don't have a "male loneliness epidemic." Y'all just don't have rizz. It's a skill issue if you can't find a partner bruv https://t.co/tTS599RPTq
— Fufu⁷⊙⊝⊜ BTS IS COMING (@JKRoundieAgenda) February 1, 2026

I have to agree with this. Their lack in finances does not equate to invisibility in the dating market. Their issues typically stem from envy, as their financial woes are a huge impediment in securing women that are very easy on the eye. https://t.co/j3kJrxOahZ

— Viiews  (@_Viiews) February 1, 2026

Valentine’s Day, once the ultimate romantic benchmark, now feels more like a pressure test. One day of effort can’t make up for months of inconsistency, which is why so many people are shifting towards everyday love over performative romance.

Staying consistent while dating requires aligning actions with words, maintaining clear communication and treating a connection as a priority rather than an option.

Here are four ways to stay consistent in dating without relying on Valentine’s Day to do the heavy lifting:

Match your words with your actions: Trust is built when behaviour aligns with promises. Consistently showing up as the same person matters. While life gets busy, constant excuses often signal that effort isn’t being prioritised.
Maintain clear communication: Regular check-ins, timely responses and honest conversations help relationships feel secure. When communication is clear, there’s far less room for mixed signals or unnecessary overthinking.
Make the relationship a priority: Planning dates, making time and remembering the small details show genuine care. When effort feels intentional rather than obligatory, connection deepens.
Take care of your mindset: Being consistent starts from within. Set realistic expectations, avoid overcommitting and don’t be afraid to say no. Maintaining your own identity through hobbies and self-care leads to healthier relationships.