In a culture that glorifies chemistry, intensity, and sacrifice, 8-figure life coach, Living Brave founder, and global movement make, Shoshanna Raven offers a powerful reframe: real love begins within.
From breaking cycles of over-giving and self-betrayal to building boundaries without walls, Shoshanna explores how self-trust, self-respect, and nervous system regulation transform the way women love, lead, and connect. Enlightening that self-love isn’t a buzzword or indulgence, but the bedrock of emotional safety, clear communication, and aligned relationships. This is a conversation about choosing love from fullness, not fear, and learning to meet others without abandoning yourself.
Glamour: Why do you believe self-love is the foundation of every healthy relationship?
Shoshanna Raven: Self-love is really about self-trust, self-honesty, and self-respect, because when you’re anchored in those, you stop outsourcing your worth, your safety, and your validation to other people; without it, you over-explain, over-give, and over-stay, you confuse intensity with intimacy, and you tolerate misalignment because abandonment feels scarier than betrayal—but with self-love, you choose from fullness instead of hunger, you communicate cleanly rather than collapsing or controlling, and you don’t need someone to complete you, you invite them to meet you; healthy relationships aren’t built on chemistry or effort alone, they’re built on two regulated nervous systems, two people who can hold themselves without demanding the other person fix them, and this is why self-love creates boundaries without walls, devotion without self-abandonment, and love as a conscious choice rather than a survival strategy—not because it’s trendy, but because without it, love quietly turns into a transaction instead of a truth.
Glamour: How does a woman’s inner relationship with herself shape the way she loves others?
Shoshanna Raven: A woman’s inner relationship with herself becomes the blueprint for how she loves others—when she is connected to herself, she doesn’t abandon her needs to keep closeness, she doesn’t perform for love, and she doesn’t chase reassurance to feel safe; instead, she shows up grounded, honest, and embodied, able to receive as deeply as she gives. When her inner world is rooted in self-trust and self-respect, she sets boundaries without guilt, desires without apology, and love without losing herself. But when that inner relationship is fractured, love turns into proving, fixing, or enduring. The way she treats herself in moments of fear, longing, and uncertainty is the exact way she will relate in intimacy—so when she learns to meet herself with steadiness and compassion, her love becomes clean, spacious, and powerful, no longer driven by survival, but by choice.
Glamour: What relationship patterns tend to emerge when self-love is lacking?
Shoshanna Raven: When self-love is lacking, relationships start to mirror that absence—you see patterns of over-giving, self-betrayal, and staying longer than what’s aligned because being chosen feels more important than being true. Love becomes a place where worth is negotiated instead of embodied, so intensity gets mistaken for intimacy and inconsistency feels exciting instead of unsafe. Boundaries blur, needs go unspoken or explode later, and connection is driven by fear of loss rather than mutual presence. Without self-love, relationships quietly become contracts for validation and safety, where one person is asked—often unconsciously—to fill the gaps of what hasn’t been claimed within.
Glamour: How does self-worth influence the partners, friends, and dynamics we choose?
Shoshanna Raven: Self-worth quietly sets the standard for who gets access to us and how much access they’re given. It determines whether we choose relationships from alignment or from longing, from clarity or from fear of being alone. When self-worth is rooted, we’re drawn to people who can meet us in responsibility, presence, and mutual respect—and we walk away from dynamics that require us to shrink, chase, or prove. When it’s shaky, we normalize inconsistency, over-function in friendships, and mistake emotional unavailability for depth. In this way, self-worth doesn’t just influence who we choose—it shapes the entire relational ecosystem we’re willing to call love.
Glamour: In your experience, how does self-love improve communication and emotional safety?
Shoshanna Raven: Self-love transforms the way we communicate because it anchors us in clarity, honesty, and presence instead of fear or reactivity. When you trust and value yourself, you can speak your truth without over-apologizing, manipulate less, and hold space for others without losing yourself. Emotional safety grows naturally from this foundation—because you no longer outsource your stability to someone else, you can regulate your own nervous system, receive feedback without collapsing, and create a container where both you and those you love feel seen, heard, and respected. In essence, self-love turns conversations into connection, not survival.
Glamour: What role does self-compassion play during conflict or disagreement?
Shoshanna Raven: Self-compassion is what keeps you steady when conflict hits—it’s the inner voice that reminds you you’re human, that you can hold your feelings without shame, and that making mistakes doesn’t make you unworthy of love. When you approach disagreement with self-compassion, you’re less reactive, less defensive, and more able to listen deeply, speak clearly, and respond instead of reacting. It creates the space to stay present with discomfort, protect your boundaries without aggression, and repair connection without collapsing, turning conflict into growth rather than a battle of survival.
Glamour: How can women begin rebuilding self-love after heartbreak or betrayal?
Shoshanna Raven: Rebuilding self-love after heartbreak or betrayal starts with reclaiming yourself as your own source of safety and worth—it’s about slowing down, listening to your body and your feelings, and treating yourself with the care you’ve been craving from others. It means noticing the stories you’ve been telling yourself about blame, shame, or unworthiness, and gently rewriting them with truth and compassion. Boundaries become your best friend, curiosity replaces judgment, and small acts of alignment—choosing what nourishes you, saying no without guilt, celebrating your wins—compound into a deep sense of self-trust. Over time, the heart softens, the nervous system settles, and you realize that love never left you—it was always inside, waiting for you to come home to yourself.
Glamour: How does cultivating self-love impact family relationships and long-standing dynamics?
Shoshanna Raven: Cultivating self-love transforms family relationships because it changes how you show up, speak, and hold space without being pulled into old patterns of obligation, people-pleasing, or conflict. When you value and protect yourself, you naturally set clearer boundaries, communicate with honesty instead of fear, and stop carrying generational stories that don’t belong to you. This doesn’t mean you disengage or stop caring—it means you participate from fullness, not depletion, and over time, even long-standing dynamics shift as your presence models self-respect, emotional regulation, and the possibility of love that is conscious, compassionate, and sustainable.
Glamour: What are common misconceptions about self-love that actually harm relationships?
Shoshanna Raven: A common misconception about self-love is that it’s selfish, indulgent, or about “treating yourself” superficially, when in reality it’s the foundation for showing up fully and generously in any relationship. Another is believing that self-love means never feeling pain, doubt, or discomfort, which sets impossible expectations and leads to shame when challenges arise. People also think self-love is earned through achievement, perfection, or approval from others, which traps them in chasing validation instead of cultivating true inner worth. These myths harm relationships because they teach us to hide, perform, or over-give, leaving little room for honest connection, boundaries, or mutual respect—the very things self-love is meant to strengthen.
Glamour: Can you share an example of how self-love transformed a client’s relationship?
Shoshanna Raven: ShOne of my clients came to me constantly over-giving in her relationship, bending herself to fit her partner’s needs, and staying in patterns that left her exhausted and resentful. Through cultivating self-love—learning to honor her boundaries, communicate honestly, and trust her own worth—everything shifted. She stopped chasing approval, started showing up as her full, vibrant self, and invited her partner to meet her there. The relationship didn’t just survive; it deepened, became more playful and supportive, and she finally felt seen, safe, and aligned. Self-love didn’t just change her—it transformed how love showed up around her.
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