Managing money while mourning: A practical guide

Grief is expensive. Sometimes it arrives with a devastating phone call. Sometimes it shows up quietly after a relationship ends, a career disappears, or a future you were building suddenly dissolves. But no matter how it enters our lives, grief certainly has a cost. And it often shows up in places we don’t expect, including our finances.

A personal loss, a universal experience

After losing my husband, Jerrell, suddenly to a brain aneurysm in November 2021, I came face to face with the realities of grief and loss. One of the first financial decisions I had to make, while still very much in shock, was freezing his credit. Not because he had debt issues, but because my financial advisor warned me that people sometimes scan obituaries, betting on the fact that grief makes you distracted. I remember thinking: I can barely breathe, and I’m already being asked to protect myself from identity theft.

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That moment became my introduction to the collision between grief and money. And while my loss was the loss of a beloved spouse, grief is not exclusive to widowhood. Because while the circumstances may differ, the financial weight of grief is something many of us carry, whether we’re mourning a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a close friend, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a life we thought we’d have. Our relationships help to shape our financial lives. So when they end, suddenly or slowly, money feels the aftershocks too.

@dealingwithgrief1 No one talks about how expensive grief is…how money stress makes dealing with grief feel impossible. 🕊️ #GriefTok #GriefJourney #LifeAfterLoss #FinancialStruggles #fypシ゚viral ♬ original sound - Dealing With Grief

One thing I learned quickly is that the cost of grief extends far beyond funeral expenses or legal paperwork. Grief taxes your mind. Decision fatigue sets in. Brain fog becomes real. Tasks that once felt simple like opening mail or paying bills can feel insurmountable. Emotionally, there’s anxiety, numbness, guilt, and sometimes a quiet pressure to “hold it together.” Financially, that can look like missed deadlines, avoidance, reactive spending, or complete paralysis.

Grief can drain your capacity before it ever drains your bank account.

The hidden costs of grief

Money doesn’t just reflect our relationships: It absorbs their fractures.

And loss doesn’t have to be related to death to be destabilizing, nor does it only affect our finances. It can also strain the relationships around you.

Loss intensifies family dynamics. Money, in particular, is a magnifier. It makes you more of who you already are. Some relationships grew closer for me. Others naturally fell away. It was painful, but clarifying. Sorting finances after a loss can expose entitlement and power struggles we didn’t anticipate. In these moments, boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re a form of emotional and financial self-preservation.

A divorce can mean splitting assets, finding new housing, or suddenly supporting yourself on one income. Estrangement from a family member can quietly remove emotional and financial safety nets you assumed would always be there. Losing a job can upend routines, confidence, and long-term plans all at once.

The common thread isn’t the type of loss. It’s the disruption. Grief changes how we relate to money because it changes how we relate to the future.

Money often becomes the stand-in argument for deeper emotional pain. What looks like a disagreement about expenses, inheritance, or support is often really about fear, control, or unspoken grief.

The business of loss

One of the most jarring parts of loss is how quickly you’re asked to move from mourning to managing. There are accounts to close, benefits to claim, decisions to make. And you’re doing all of this while your nervous system is in survival mode.

The friction between what’s required and what you can realistically give is where so much financial shame sneaks in.

I found it overwhelming to balance what Jerrell had shared with me privately against the opinions and expectations of others. When someone passes, everyone else suddenly becomes an “expert” on who they were and what they would have wanted. That tension is exhausting in the midst of grief.

But what my grief ultimately taught me is that money is a part of intimacy, even when we pretend it isn’t. Financial preparation isn’t pessimistic, it’s protective.

The gifts of grief

Grief has also given me unexpected gifts.

There is one piece of advice my therapist gave me that fundamentally changed how I approached money during times of grief. And that was to give myself the permission to “mine for joy”.

Part of healing means redefining what “normal” means and creating new traditions. Jerrell absolutely loved the Christmas holiday. After his passing, I tried to recreate that same joy, but eventually I realized I couldn’t. Now, my new tradition is traveling internationally with a close friend during the holidays. These choices aren’t simply indulgences, they’re investments in joy and emotional stability.

If you’re in the thick of loss right now, I want you to know this: You are not failing. Grief is disruptive by nature. It changes you on a cellular level. How you’re handling things is exactly how someone handles something this hard. And if you’re wondering whether joy returns, let me say this clearly: It does.

Redefining wealth after loss

If there’s one thing I want you to take from this, it’s that financial clarity often follows emotional safety. Give yourself grace and realize that grief is not a personal failure, and financial disorientation after loss is not a character flaw.

Grief isn’t only about what we lose; it’s also about what will never be. I grieved the future Jerrell and I had planned. The year 2026 was supposed to be the year he retired. When that future disappeared, so did a lot of my ambition. I’m not the same go-getter I once was, and my business income now reflects that. I’ve learned that loss fundamentally reshapes our priorities, our energy, and ultimately our definition of success.

@mom_to_millionaire Did you ever consider that losing a loved one can send your finances into a spiral? Maybe you don’t have a job that can support your time away. Maybe your mental health suffers well beyond a homegoing celebration and you need time. Maybe these situations cause missed paychecks or job loss. Money is in everything, even grief. #financialfreedom #financialindependence #financialcoach #parentloss #retireearly ♬ original sound - Dione, AFC®✨ Money Matters

Money is not the measure of how well you loved, how deeply you lost, or how strong you’re being now. It’s just one component of a much larger, more human experience. Wealth is safety, yes, but it’s also about connection. It’s paying off my parents’ home so they don’t have to worry. It’s buying properties so the people I love can live close by. It’s helping to remove financial barriers for a close friend so that shared experiences are possible.

Grief indeed changes what money means. When you’ve lost someone or something that mattered deeply, wealth stops being about accumulation and starts being about stability, safety, and care. Sometimes the richest thing you can give yourself is time, or rest, or permission not to have it all figured out yet.

The cost of grief is real, but so is your capacity to rebuild in a way that honors both what you’ve lost and what still lies ahead.

Original article appeared on SELF