When you’re accustomed to navigating your life without regularly checking in with yourself and your emotions, joy may seem like a foreign concept. You may have been asked the question, “Does this bring you joy?” Reflect on that for a second: whether it’s a job, a relationship, a hobby or even a treat. Before you answer it, we first have to talk about what the word “joy” means for each individual person.
Melissa Lainn admits that for most of her life she assumed that joy was something that happened to her “but the more I learned and the older I became, the more I realised that joy isn’t something we stumble into; it’s something we need to train our minds and bodies to notice and focus on.” Melissa notes that we live in a world that’s louder, faster and busier than ever. She cautions that, with the pressures of modern life, joy can quietly slip through the cracks. “We keep moving from one task to the next without a conscious moment, without intention and with our focus always being on the next task, thing or commitment. We can only find joy in the present moment, when we are fully ‘here’, not busy with our past or planning for the future,” Melissa explains. She also mentions the existence of a physiological mechanism within our neural pathways that can help us focus.
“Deep in your brainstem is a tiny network of neurons called the reticular activating system (RAS). Think of it as your brain’s ‘filter’ and ‘focus’ system.” This system helps you decide which information gets through to your conscious mind: If you focus on stress, it’ll find more stressful things for you to focus on and filter out the things that can lead to peace and joy. But, if you intentionally train it to focus on joy, it’ll filter in more of the moments, people and opportunities that bring you joy.” If you’re wondering how you can activate your RAS, Melissa shares that a simple and fun way to begin, is to be present in the now. To do this practically, she invites you to start a little ‘joy audit’: “It’s an invitation to pause, be present with yourself and gently realign with what lights you up. “Think of joy as a spark, something that lights up a certain part of yourself, your relationships and your dreams,” Melissa says. “When you focus on what lights you up, even if it’s just a little spark at first, your RAS can help you turn that spark into a bonfire. Before you know it, you will be in so much joy that you can even light up those around you, your community and the collective.
Melissa's Top Tips to make the most of your ‘Joy Audit’
• Check in with your body. Your mind can run into overdrive and cause you to overthink, but your body will tell you instantly if something feels expansive or heavy. Pay attention to the tension in your shoulders, as well as your breathing; if your body is making itself smaller or expanding. And pay attention to the way your stomach feels as you reflect: Your body communicates with you all the time, be aware.
• Go slow. You don’t need to answer all the questions at once. Let them simmer. Sometimes clarity arrives in a quiet moment when you’re not forcing anything. Try taking one section of thought or one question that struck and go deep with it.
• Look for patterns. We rarely live life, we live patterns and so much of our lives have the same patterns playing out over and over again in ‘new’ ways. Notice if the same themes show up in different areas. For example, if you’re hiding parts of yourself in relationships and at work, that could be a sign it’s time to lean into more authenticity everywhere.
• Give yourself permission to change. Your joy list now might look very different from last year — that’s a good thing! Growth often means releasing old ways of living that no longer serve you. That could mean releasing old versions of yourself that no longer serve you. In time, let them go with love and move on to the new you with joy and ease.
• Take one small action. We think, talk, dream and imagine but don’t always get around to living. Take one small thing from this audit that lights you up and take action on it! We are not just meant to think our lives away — what lights us up are the experiences too
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